Audio By Carbonatix
The San Diego Chargers are so slow their cleats might as well be high heels. They can’t run, they wobble when they walk, and they care more about how they look than what they can do in those shoes. They’re so slow that Charles Manson will be out of prison before they finish their next play. In fact, they’re so slow that the three-toed sloth community is boycotting the team. To make things worse, they snap the ball like a one-armed eighth-grader, and they punt with the force of a marshmallow.
Homeless guys on Biscayne Boulevard use Chargers jerseys to clean bird crap off windshields and then throw them away because they’re just not tough enough.
The Chargers suck so bad they couldn’t charge a credit card or a cell phone. They’re so lousy the Chicago Bears make jokes about them. It suffices to say the Miami Dolphins are gonna crush the Chargers like a Humvee flattens a grasshopper. Watch it live at Sun Life Stadium (347 Don Shula Dr., Miami) Sunday beginning at 1 p.m. Tickets cost $28 to $600. Call 305-943-8000 or visit sunlifestadium.com.
Sun., Nov. 2, 1 p.m., 2014
