Audio By Carbonatix
On last night’s episode of Bad Girls Club Miami, we really start to get to know the new ladies right off the bat. Ashley
isn’t great. She’s like one of the mannequins that are
constantly getting abused. She might look like she has a purpose, but not
really. Due to our general liking of train wrecks, though, we obviously love
Christina. She’s an officially hot-ass mess and so we can only imagine
what kind of addition she’s going to be in the house.
On the bad girl’s night out, Christina turns into a full-blown alcoholic the minute she
gets out of the limo. When they get home from the club, fun
really begins for “Miss Staten Island.” Anyone catch her trying to take a
sip of the OJ? Bitch looked like the water had been turned off and she
needed to take a vitamin C shower. Also, her dialing the phone is what
we imagine Stevie Wonder looks like trying to call out for a pizza. No
wonder they take away their cellphones — moments like that and you 100% know
this show isn’t scripted.
The other ladies in the house have mixed feelings on these new additions. Brandi couldn’t be more excited to have another lesbian in the house. Miss Kristen is hating on the newbie’s love to get wasted. Shall we remind her of how fucking drunk she got first night out? Hey Kristen, we saw your vagina the first 15 seconds into the first episode, so calm yourself and let the ladies booze up — especially because it makes for great television.
The longer we watch this episode, the more we get worried for the rest of the season. Why? Christina. We’re not sure if it’s the ompa loompa tan, or the fact that her and Erica hit it off, but she’s definitely kind of a shit box. New drinking game: Take a shot every time the bitch says the word lesbian.
Everyone has to have something they are proud of in this world. For some, it’s their athletic skills or brains, but for Brandi — we mean “Venus” — it’s the fact that she’s been stripping for seven years. So we guess that means that she isn’t striping for college money? Why after almost a decade on the pole haven’t you meet an Anna Nicole Smith daddy to pay your bills? Sad, very sad.
When Lea and Kristen go full-blown nuts on Christina, it’s hard not to watch and just think, is this really happening? You have to wonder if this whole show is just a social experiment. How long before seven girls with daddy issues go bananas? Christina couldn’t have loved being attacked with water and milk, but as we saw earlier in the episode, she doesn’t mind being covered in beverages. When Christina counter attacks with bleach, Kristen looses her shit and compares their brawl to chemical warfare. It might not have been, but the house kind of looked it post-fight.
In true Mean Girls-style, all the roommates pick Lea and Kristen to go out with, leaving Christina home alone. If your going to have to pick sides, might as well pick the pretty ones, right? (Read our interview with Lea Beaulieu here.)
One person we’re terribly afraid Christina is going to get on her team: Natalie. Where the hell did she come from? We were glad to see Bad Girls Club Season 4 come and go because of her in particular. Imagine a whole hour of Christina and Natalie’s voices. Oh God, we’re going to have to watch the show on mute.
