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| Daily Candy |
| The Anti-Theft Lunch Bag, perfect for fooling troglodyte food thieves. |
Long-time readers of Short Order may remember that the New Times
offices weren’t always a safe and happy place. There was a time long
ago when terror stalked our cubicles — when unsuspecting men and women
fell pray to evil. I’m talking, of course, about the Shrimp Bandit:
a fishy thief who, when no eyes were looking, crept into our break room
and lifted our lunches from the refrigerator in order to sate his own
craven appetite. We never did catch the Shrimp Bandit, as you can see
in this reconnaissance video capturing him in action. Now he lays dormant. But some say he will return.
If
he does, well, we’ll be ready. Office food theft is a big concern for a
lot of people it seems, so intelligent minds have pooled their
resources and come up with this deterrent: anti-theft lunch bags.
These nifty lunch bags instantly turn any sandwich, snack, or treat
into a moldy-looking mess. Just imagine an office food thief,
schlepping his hunched-back over to the fridge for his latest meal, and
finding only a ham-and-cheese sandwich that’s carrying the bubonic
plague. He’ll think twice before eating that bad boy. Order some of
these bags, available in packs of 25 here, and you’ll never have to worry for your lunch again.
