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These are some of the funnies I’ve compiled for this column over the past year, but either they didn’t fit in thematically or I just wasn’t that crazy about them. Either way, gotta clear out the cupboard.
How complicated can ice cream flavors be? How much can you put in there? I mean, when the flavor’s something like banana ice cream with caramel, fudge chunks, cheddar goldfish, and pennies — you’ve got to draw a line there. ~Marc Maron
Shake and shake the ketchup bottle. None’ll come, and then a lot’ll. ~Richard Armour
Ducking for apples — change one letter and it’s the story of my life. ~Dorothy Parker
Two potatoes are walking down the street. One of them is a prostitute. How can you tell which one?
It’s the one stamped “Idaho.”
“Toward a better world I contribute my modest smidgen; I eat the squab, lest it become a pigeon.”
If they like it, it serves four; otherwise six. ~Elsie Zussman
