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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken in Miami-Dade County in the previous week. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain-out look more badass than we ever will . This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 2/11
Charged with: Armed robbery
Well, this guy’s just given up on ever losing weight.
Arrested: 2/10
Charge: Marijuana possession
One one hand, he’s terrifying and unemployable and can never hug his nephew without the little kid running away screaming. On the other hand, he’s totally post-racial.
Arrested: 2/12
Charged with: Retail theft
We know there’s a lot going on here, but what we’re wondering is: Is that a fake Cindy Crawford mole?
Arrested: 02/13
Charged with: Stalking, aggravated battery
This lady came from the future to stalk her man. George Clinton once made a song about it.
Arrested: 2/8
Charged with: Grand theft, burglary, criminal mischief
Toss out all the charges but the last. That is the most mischievous face we’ve ever seen.
Arrested: 2/15
Charged with: Possession of cannabis with intent to sell
Something about this guy’s Mandela-esque face is mesmerizing. And those hypnotic eyes seem to say: Hey, I may be down on my luck now, but I’m capable of gre– You know what? It’s probably just the sweater.
Arrested: 2/12
Charged with: Strongarmed robbery, grand theft auto
Wow. So we strained to see what he has tattooed above his eyebrows to complement “The Mind of” on his forehead– you can click to enlarge– and this 20-year-old kid has something you might find in a 19th-century racist phrenology textbook tattooed on his fucking face. That’s just disturbing.
Arrested: 2/4
Charged with: Habitually driving with a suspended license
We’re never going to have kids because we’re afraid we might have a daughter and she might date this guy.
Arrested: 2/8
Charged with: Domestic violence, battery
We feel kind of bad posting this because we don’t know if it’s just a weird photo or– Ahhhh!!!
Arrested: 2/14
Charged with: Cocaine possession
There it is: The ultimate fuck-you-copper-I’ve-been-here-before mugshot face.
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