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Every Friday, Riptide brings you the most eye-catching mugshots taken the previous week (or thereabouts) in Miami-Dade County. Yes, there is some mockery of bad neck tattoos, but also adulation directed at perps who just plain look more badass than we ever will. This is the italicized intro to that series.
Arrested: 4/19
Charged with: Aggravated battery, resisting officer without violence
I know this lady is charged with beating somebody up bad, but how nice is her face? Don’t you want to just keep her in your pocket and take her out on gloomy days to cheer you up?
Arrested: 4/16
Charged with: Battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting officer with violence
Product placement! Hooters, we expect a gift certificate for free Boobcakes, or whatever it is you sell.
Arrested: 4/14
Charged with: Aggravated battery on a person 65 or older
When toga parties go wrong…
Arrested: 4/19
Charged with: Resisting officer without violence
Dude, you’re in a mugshot wearing a Miami Heat retro jersey and little diamond earrings. Just letting you know in case you want to take a time machine back to the womb and restart your life in hopes of doing it better this time.
Arrested: 4/16
Charged with: Aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
Anybody need a Blowed Up Dude #4 for their Spanish-American War epic? This guy’s a method actor.
Arrested: 4/17
Charged with: Indecent exposure
Old accused perv, you really should turn that back tuft of hair into a tiny ponytail using a little rubber band. Sometimes we doubt your devotion to being absolutely as creepy as possible.
Arrested: 4/13
Charged with: Petty retail theft
Hey lady, I aint never seen hair squiggles like that before. Are you from The Capital? (Yes, that was a Hunger Games joke, let’s just move on.)
Arrested: 4/14
Charged with: False imprisonment, aggravated battery, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon
We get it, Dad, you’re nervous. You don’t have to turn your whole face into a cartoon about it.
Arrested: 4/14
Charged with: Out-of-state fugitive
This guy’s face is so perfectly generic it’s freaking me out. He’s the Ridiculously Photogenic Mugshot. Kiefer Sutherland has already agreed to play him in an upcoming film project.
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