Chatty Kathy

There are a lot of things we’d like to ask Kathy Griffin. What part of your body hasn’t been professionally assessed by a plastic surgeon? What really happened to your first assistant, Jessica? Who’s better in bed: Jack Black, Steve Wozniak, or the Old Spice Guy? But we can’t, because every time this fiery ginger-crotch with a sailor’s mouth comes to town, she shoots down all of our requests for an interview. Why, Kathy, why?! For someone who’s such a media whore — or, let’s be honest, an all-around whore (really, Kathy, 50 and Not Pregnant? You’d better be praying to the gods of menopause for their good graces) — you sure like to stray away from the one paper in Miami that actually appreciates your raunchy, gossipy, and tell-it-how-it-is sense of humor. But whatevs, it’s not like we’re going to blow $49 to $79 on a ticket to see your supertoned ass at the Arsht Center’s Knight Concert Hall Monday. We’ll just sneak in with a box of wine, get drunk, and then yell/ask our questions from the nosebleed seats during your act. See you Monday, bitch.
Mon., March 28, 8 p.m., 2011