Audio By Carbonatix
Hello, Kitty: My relationship with my mom has been strained
ever since I dropped out of college to pursue a career selling jeans at
the Gap. But not long ago, I lost my job, and she offered up her spare
bedroom. I’m guessing that it was simply lip service since she now
tells me to get out daily. And not with words. In the worst way. She
and her boyfriend (who’s 12 years her senior) have sex all the time and
run around naked when they’re not joined at the hip. Prior to my moving
in, their touchy-feeliness told me that they had a healthy sex life,
but I never knew how healthy. When I wake up in the morning, I
hear them humping. When I go out to get some Subway around noon,
they’re getting freaky in the dining room; and when I get back, they’re
lounging around the kitchen in the nude! I know that my mom can do what
she likes in her house, but I’d like for her to respect that I’m there.
I know I’m her daughter and only 27, but how can I ask this grown woman
to cut back on the fuckery while I’m around?
Troma Ties
———-
Hey, Troma: You can’t tell her to stop. What you can tell her
is, “Mom, I found a job. I’m moving out.” It’s too bad the Gap
downsized and you had to return to the womb, but that’s your problem,
not your mom’s. If she wants to dick around at 10 a.m., 4 p.m., and
half past midnight, she has the right. If you had been enterprising
enough to find a man or friends to shack up with when times got rough,
you wouldn’t have to smell tu madre‘s badussy mingling with the
scent of the onions from your $5 foot long. I don’t necessarily agree
that your mom is using sex as a weapon to convince you to leave –
this is probably how she was living before you moved back in. She may
have considered easing up but decided against it. In her house, she
rules. What you can do is get a life or a job, whatever you can do to
not be in the house so often. Though she may seem unfazed by the sight
of you while her old man is sticking her, it’s probably making her
uncomfortable too. However, if they stopped doing it so often, the
dynamic of their relationship could change, resulting in a breakup. All
your fault. Get a job, move in with friends, leave Mom to her fuckery.
Meow.
Got a question? Email kitty@miaminewtimes.com, or visit
blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/magic_city_kitty
