R. Kelly

The pied piper of yellowcake R&B returns to his masterwork, the 35-minute pop opera that brazenly defies dramatic structure, radio formatting, and just plain good sense. Redneck bumpkins impregnated by anatomically “blessed” midgets, Omar from The Wire, and a bloodied brother-in-law are all afoot in what the DVD packaging ominously promises to be “the first twelve chapters.” With his endless days, itchy trigger finger, and twisting melodramas, Kels is quickly turning into Jack Bauer with ghetto-braids. “Trapped in the Closet” is easily the best worst thing ever.