Miami Heat Is the Best Shooting Team in the NBA Playoffs

Josh Richardson, AKA Young Thirst, has been a huge part of the onslaught
Josh Richardson, AKA Young Thirst, has been a huge part of the onslaught

The Miami Heat — yes, the same team you've been watching all season — is the most face-melting offensive juggernaut in these here 2016 NBA playoffs so far. That's the only conclusion you can reach after the Heat dismantled the Charlotte Hornets for the second-straight game last night. It's also the second-straight playoff game the Heat has put up at least 115 points.

According to the math, the Heat is so far the best shooting team in the playoffs. Sup, Warriors?

In Game 1, the Heat curb-stomped the Hornets into submission by delivering the most efficient offensive performance in franchise history, putting 123 points on the board for the first time in the playoffs. Not even the Big Three era saw a game that insanely awesome.

So, as it goes, everyone expected the Heat to cool off for Game 2 and for the Hornets to make life a little more difficult with their own brand of hot shooting and three-point sinking. The Hornets, the experts said, would adjust and match the Heat basket-for-basket and maybe even tie up the series. At the very least, there was no way the Heat could keep up its surface-of-the-sun shooting for a second-straight game.

Right?

It turns out Heat players not only continued to be human flame throwers out on the court but also absolutely firebombed the Charlotte defense by scoring 72 points in the first half alone.

Coming into Game 2, Hornets head coach Steve Clifford decided not to make any changes to his starting lineup, citing stats and counting on Miami's offense to regress into a basketball team made up of mere mortals. But the Heat, lead by Dwyane Wade's 28 points and rookie Josh Richardson's 15 points off the bench, slammed Clifford's hopes crotch-first into a fire hydrant.

The Heat took a trident to the Hornets' larynx in the first half by shooting an insane 74.4 percent from the field. By the end of the night, Miami would end up shooting 57.9 percent, going nine-for-16 from downtown, leaving the bloodied corpses of Hornets defenders sprawled out on the American Airlines Arena court and watching as Clifford's face melted off his skull like Nazis at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

And it's not like the Hornets weren't trying. They came out and played some hard-nosed defense, were helped by getting an exorbitant number of calls from the refs, and looked to force the Heat to shoot from outside the paint — and spots from which our guys aren't normally comfortable shooting. Yet even then, Miami rained down destruction from everywhere.

Best of all, D-Wade has been the catalyst for Miami's success by elevating himself into Playoff Destruction Mode and continues to rabbit-punch Father Time in the balls with his basketball badassery.

Though he's going toe-to-toe with men who are younger, healthier, and purportedly faster, Wade is still leaving bodies in his wake. In his prime, Wade was the Human Torch, able to leap across the court and slam one home in the blink of an eye.

Nowadays, he has to rely on savvy and guile. Yet against Charlotte, D-Wade looks like a man reborn. He's not only hitting J's but also cutting and slashing past the defense, making younger and seemingly swifter defenders look as if they had their scrotums stapled to their thighs.

It's oh-so devastating. Wade is even laying waste to the Hornets on the defensive side, like when he slapped back a Kemba Walker attempted three-pointer like he had been debating musical tastes with the basketball all night.

Dwyane: Michal Bublé is a milksop that only soccer moms like to listen to.

Basketball: Wrong! His voice is made of honeydew and silk.

Dwyane: HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO EAT CORN ON THE COB PROPERLY!

Basketball: Well, now you're just hating.

Dwyane: 

Point, Wade.

Perhaps more important, however, Wade's greatness seems to be spreading to his teammates to the point where other guys are attempting his patented Eurostep move on Hornets defenders. In Game 1, it was Justise Winslow. And in Game 2, Amar'e Stoudemire busted out the mini-Euro.

Hassan Whiteside claims he too has been Eurostepping on people, though there's little evidence this has been the case. Still, Whiteside has at least one member of the Miami Heat vouching for his claims:

Miami Heat Is the Best Shooting Team in the NBA Playoffs
Miami Heat Is the Best Shooting Team in the NBA Playoffs
Miami Heat Is the Best Shooting Team in the NBA Playoffs

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