The Ten Most Miami Things About HBO's Ballers

HBO's Ballers is so Miami.
HBO's Ballers is so Miami.
HBO

HBO has renewed Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's Miami based football comedy Ballers for a second season, which means so much more Miami. Ballers is like if you wrote the word Miami on a piece of paper, covered it with glue, then poured an entire bottle of glitter on it — it's incredibly unapologetically over-the-top Miami.

Let's not pretend that much of the Miami you see in Ballers doesn't exist (because it totally does), but the show tends to turn up the volume a bit. Really though, who can blame them? This is the rich and glamorous side of Miami the Rock's ex-Miami Dolphins player character finds himself embedded in in the show.

Here are ten Miami stereotypes HBO's Ballers has made sure to hit on before even the midway point in its freshman season. None of these will shock you, because Miami gonna Miami. 

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HBO

Cocaine. Just cocaine. Because, of course, cocaine. 
It wouldn't be a show filmed in Miami if there wasn't a little cocaine use involved; at this point, we just gotta own this one. Thanks a lot, Scarface

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HBO

Old dudes partying with chicks way too hot for them. 
For a variety of reasons — many most all of which involve money — Miami is one of the world leaders in sugar daddies. Don't try to understand it, it's not that difficult to figure out. Seriously, stop staring.

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HBO

Ridiculously extravagant and expensive brunches. 
For all the attention we give brunches in Miami, who really needs to eat that much before noon? Gluttony is a Miami trademark, as well as alcoholism, which can be defined as "bottomless mimosas." Most of the time a real brunch in Miami is leftover pizza or a gas-station empanada. 

Expensive sports cars zooming around luxurious neighborhoods.
You never see a Toyota Corolla in Ballers, which is statistically impossible because everyone in Florida has at some point in their lives owned a Toyota Corolla. Even Dexter had an awesome SUV that was somehow always super clean even though he was constantly stuffing chopped up dead people inside of it. 

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HBO

Athletes getting in trouble on South Beach. 
Shocker here! Rich athletes doing stupid things on South Beach — it's a Miami tradition. An athlete getting arrested in Miami is almost like a student getting a parking ticket in college; it's either happened to you, or it's about to happen to you. Few escape destiny. 

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HBO

Mansion parties full of hot chicks and the inevitable one guy that looks like Pitbull. 
About seven of us have been to these beautiful-people parties at Miami Beach mansions that take place, uh, always? Literally one is happening right now while you're reading this, and at said party is a guy that resembles Pitbull. 

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YouTube

Street gambling.
There is a casino on every corner of South Florida in 2015, stop it HBO. Look at the people in this picture, does this strike you as a crowd that would break out in a game of dice? Is it even called dice? I'm assuming rolling a seven is good. See, we don't even know how to play, HBO! 

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HBO

Strip club scenes filled with strobe lights.
Hollywood makes it seem as though it's physically impossible for you not to visit a strip club while in Miami. 

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HBO

Miami Intracoastal helicopter shots.
Token shot of the Intracoastal shot via helicopter, or in 2015, a drone. These shots normally build up to the sandy turquoise beach shots that come later in the open. 

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YouTube

Naked hot chick still sleeping when guy wakes up even though she has no covers.
It's true, America, every man in Miami wakes up to a smoking hot naked model that has no need for sheets. You should move here and get one! 


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