Friday: John Mulaney.
Friday: John Mulaney.
Courtesy of management

The Best Things to Do in Miami This Week

Thursday

Spend more than 30 seconds at an art school or modern-art museum and you'll realize you're way out of the realm of beauty or skill or anything remotely familiar to a novice art appreciator. The first time you hear "hegemonic cultural institutions," your instinct might be to take cover, but it's actually a pretty fascinating conversation among contemporary artists. Art Center/South Florida is fostering such discourse with its fellowship program the Recalibrated Institution, and the conversation Art Futures: Necessary Strategies is where you can go to get a peek at what's being said on the cutting edge. 7 p.m. Thursday at Art Center/South Florida Downtown, 1035 N. Miami Ave., Miami; 305-674-8278; artcentersf.org. Admission is free.

One could argue that Miami is more of a Caribbean nation than an American city, which is part of why the Third Horizon Film Festival makes so much sense. Then there's the long history of imperialism, slavery, and other types of forced migration that makes Brexit and Trump supporters look like a bunch of ungrateful, whiny babies. In a time when hearing and seeing diverse cultures is becoming increasingly necessary, a weekend of films from Trinidad, Haiti, Jamaica, the Dominican Republic, and other Caribbean countries is just the ticket. But first, shake some booty at the opening reception at PAMM. 6 p.m. Thursday at Pérez Art Museum Miami, 1103 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 8:30 p.m. Friday, 11 a.m. Saturday, and 1 p.m. Sunday at O Cinema Wynwood, 90 NW 29th St., Miami; thirdhorizonfilmfestival.com. Admission to the opening reception is free with PAMM admission, weekend passes cost $60, and tickets cost $12 per film.

If you first learned about Nikola Tesla through John C. Reilly's performance on Drunk History, it's time to get a little more sophisticated (but also, if you haven't seen that episode, you should). Through the collaboration of composer Carson Kievman and playwright Thomas Babe, the world premiere of Tesla is sung and performed with digital projections and cutting-edge scenic design. Narrated by Tesla's contemporary, Mark Twain, the play will follow the genius inventor as his creations challenge what we knew of science, nature, and society. 8 p.m. Thursday, Friday, and Saturday and 3 p.m. Sunday at the Colony Theatre, 1040 Lincoln Rd., Miami Beach; 305-674-1040; colonymb.org. Tickets cost $45 to $60.

Friday: Mutemath.
Friday: Mutemath.
Courtesy of artist management

Friday

Even if you don't recognize John Mulaney's name, you'll probably recognize his face. He's been on Broadway, Saturday Night Live, and Netflix with his own special. Or maybe you'll recognize his voice, figuratively and literally. He helped Bill Hader develop the character Stefon on SNL's "Weekend Update" and writes on IFC's Documentary Now, but he's also the mouthpiece for Andrew on Big Mouth. And his standup is pretty funny too. Catch him on his national tour when it stops in downtown Miami this weekend. 7 p.m. Friday at the Adrienne Arsht Center, 1300 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; 304-949-6722; arshtcenter.org. Tickets cost $29 to $39.

Miami is the home of Ultra Music Festival, but it's rare to hear somebody get excited about an electronic artist from the Magic City. Sure, that sort of dirty guy who wears pants that are somehow skinny on the bottom but baggy on top says we should support local music but then freaks out when a DJ from Denmark spins at a nearby club. That's why local curators are so important and why the Miami Paradise Anniversary show is required for anyone who plays EDM as their commuting soundtrack. 10 p.m. Friday at B-Side, 2898 NW Seventh Ave., Miami; 786-780-2750; facebook.com/MiamiParadise305. Admission is free. Ages 21 and up.

From maybe-kinda Christian rock to crunchy synth-pop, Mutemath has changed a lot over the past 13 years. The only surviving original member is frontman Paul Meany, but that's been enough to bring about the band's fifth studio album, Play Dead, released September 8. The group's subsequent tour will make a stop in South Beach if you need to kick off your weekend with some hipster alternative rock that sometimes borders the avant-garde. 8 p.m. Friday at the Fillmore Miami Beach, 1700 Washington Ave., Miami Beach; 305-673-7300; fillmoremb.com. Tickets cost $26.50 to $36.50.

Saturday: Craft Beer 5K Run.
Saturday: Craft Beer 5K Run.
Courtesy of Tank Brewing

Saturday

On September 30, 1919, a mob of white men roamed a town near Elaine, Arkansas, killing hundreds of black men, women, and children in an attempt to thwart an alleged insurrection. On the anniversary of this massacre and following the release of Philando Castile's killer, organizers of the Women's March have planned a March for Racial Justice in Washington, D.C. The Florida March for Black Women is the regional iteration of the event, which hopes to center black women because they are so often ignored in struggles for both racial justice and gender equality. 3 p.m. Saturday at Miami-Dade County Women's Detention Center, 1401 NW Seventh Ave., Miami. Register and donate at eventbrite.com. Admission is free.

Even though runners love to celebrate the end of a marathon with a bevy of carbs and suds, no brewery in Miami has thought to host a 5K until now. The Tank Brewing is teaming up with the founder of the Miami Marathon for the Craft Beer 5K Run to benefit Amigos for Kids, a nonprofit working to prevent child abuse, and Live Like Bella, which supports childhood cancer research. While the sweat dries, joggers can enjoy beer from nine local breweries, food, and live music. At the very least, it beats all of your other excuses to binge-drink. 6 p.m. Saturday at the Tank Brewing Co., 5100 NW 72nd Ave., Bay A-1, Miami; 786-801-1554; southfloridacraftbeerrun.com. Registration costs $30 to $40.

Nerds have long known it's safer to roam around in a group of other nerds dressed in costumes than alone. Keep Crawling Pub Crawls is taking advantage of this fact and nerds' ongoing desire to cosplay by hosting the Wynwood Comic-Con Crawl. Take a boozy, musical stroll through the arts district while dressed like Storm or Gandalf, and slurp down a beer at each stop after the El Patio meeting point. 4 p.m. Saturday at El Patio Wynwood, 167 NW 23rd St., Miami; keepcrawling.com. Tickets start at $30.

Homegrown Miami culture has always been weird, and Jolt Radio has been celebrating the stuff for seven full years. Founder John Caignet began broadcasting on the web in 2010, shining an increasingly large spotlight on local musicians and artists. Earlier this year, Caignet launched a video series, Sound Waves, that does the same. Local heavy-hitters such as Otto von Schirach, Rat Bastard, and Richie Hell will celebrate the project's birthday at Gramps with a screening of that show, plus a complimentary caja china pig roast, swag, and other fun. 3 p.m. Saturday at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; 305-699-2669; gramps.com. Tickets cost $10.

"Knockin' da Boots," "Lick U Up," and "Keepin' My Composure" are hits by '90s Houston R&B group H-Town that will have you sweating with teenage lust at the '90s Love Fest. Also taking the stage will be Silk, Shai, Jon B, Public Announcement, and Vedo from NBC's The Voice. Not only will you have the pleasure of seeing these smooth crooners, but if you spring for a VIP ticket, you also get to sit within the first five rows, do a meet-and-greet with the artists, and get access to a postconcert yacht party on the luxurious Biscayne Lady with more music, food, and even an open bar — as if you needed that extra social lubricant after being rubbed down with words all night. 7 p.m. Monday at the James L. Knight Center, 400 SE Second Ave., Miami; jlkc.com. Tickets cost $55 to $93.

Sunday

It's easy to think about football as the biggest fall sport, because all everyone wants to do on Thanksgiving is watch dudes in tight pants pile atop one another on a grassy field. But the best thing about fall, sports-wise, is the launch of the NBA season. This weekend, the always lovable Miami Heat will play in a preseason game against the Atlanta Hawks. 6 p.m. Sunday at American Airlines Arena, 601 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; aaareana.com. Tickets start at $10.

Taking cues from mass weddings and mass suicides, mass workouts are now a thing. The Tone It Up Tour is a huge fitness festival stopping at Bayfront Park to connect women to one another and exercise taught by real leaders in the field. This includes the famous crunch taskmaster Jillian Michaels, though it'll cost you more to have a VIP meet-and-greet with her. Expect giveaways, a DJ, and yoga. Just bring your mat and all the energy you have stored from sitting at home waiting for hurricanes. Noon Sunday at Bayfront Park, 301 Biscayne Blvd., Miami; bayfrontparkmiami.com. Tickets start at $110.

The Latinx queer community has never been more vibrant in South Florida than it is today. For Pride Month, Orgullo Festival will offer a full two weeks of events October 1 through 15. The organization is a volunteer-organized, Miami Beach-based endeavor that aims to lead the way for the Latinx LGBTQ community. The fest benefits the group's scholarship fund and Unity Coalition. It will feature a slew of colorful events around town, including drag queens on buses guiding artist studio tours, walking tours, and a benefit gala. The highlight of that fundraiser will be a visit by Spanish film star Sara Montiel for those with Hollywood stars in their eyes and a desire to support their community. 2 p.m. Sunday at Pridelines, 6360 NE Fourth Ct., Miami; celebrateorgullo.com. Admission starts at $30.

After all of this storm stress, you and your puppies need a fun outlet. Bring the furry ones to the glorious Venetian Pool, made entirely of coral rock, for Paws in the Pool. Be mesmerized by their manes floating in the blue against the backdrop of midcentury Miami beauty. Talk about relaxing! There will be separate sessions for large and small dogs: 10 a.m. for pups up to 30 pounds, and 1:30 for the giant ones. They're not messing around about rabies either, so bring proof of vaccination. 10 a.m. Sunday at Venetian Pool, 2701 De Soto Blvd., Coral Gables; coralgables.com. Admission costs $5.50 per dog and $3.50 per human. No humans without dogs allowed.

Wednesday: Cayetana.
Wednesday: Cayetana.
Photo by Jessica Flynn

Tuesday

Hillary Clinton, the first woman elected to the U.S. presidency by a majority of voters, is coming to Miami, a city that supported her in a state that is otherwise, well, red. Are we still angry? Hell, yes. Is Hillary? Head to the Broward Center to find out when she touts her new book, What Happened. 7 p.m. Tuesday at the Broward Center for the Performing Arts, 201 SW Fifth Ave., Fort Lauderdale; 954-462-0222; browardcenter.org. Tickets start at $50.

There's no shortage of tall, skinny hetero dudes singing deeply problematic love songs to an audience of screaming girls. And if you're cool with something like LANY's "I Love You So Bad" video, where the trio is seen breaking into a woman's house, beating her boyfriend, and then driving romantically into the sunset, we hope you're not raising a daughter or in a romantic relationship with someone's daughter. But if you can separate all of that from the bandmates' sickly-sweet pop ballads, they'll be seducing your impressionable teenage neighbor this Tuesday. 7 p.m. Tuesday at Revolution Live, 100 SW Third Ave., Fort Lauderdale; 954-449-1025; jointherevolution.net. Tickets cost $19.

Wednesday

The spirit of the '90s will never die as long as three ladies with atypically colored hair are still making tunes that perpetuate the era's look and sound. Cayetana brings those angsty days to Miami through music that'll make you feel things. The group recently released New Kind of Normal on Plum Records and will head to Wynwood bar Gramps thanks to Breakeven Booking. Hemming and Superhaunted will provide backing. Good news, kids: The show is 18 and older. 8 p.m. Wednesday at Gramps, 176 NW 24th St., Miami; gramps.com. Admission costs $12. 

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