Rick Scott should show his birth certificate

Now that President Barack Obama has produced his long-form birth certificate, it's time Gov. Rick Scott followed suit. Under the Florida Constitution, the governor must be at least 30 years old and have lived in Florida for the past seven years. And unlike the president, Scott could have been born anywhere and it wouldn't matter.

Though the idea that Scott is an "elector" has raised our completely insane eyebrows, it has nothing to do with our undying hatred for bald men. Being an elector merely means one is qualified to vote in elections, though Florida law is very clear that any entity registered to vote in the state must indeed be a living, breathing human being. Aha! Here's where the controversy comes in.

Riptide has heard several theories that Scott is the product of a demon father and alien mother who copulated on Mars and deposited the resulting egg deep in the core of the red planet. Allegedly, 13 months later, a fully formed Rick Scott emerged.

Scientists tell us that scenario is highly unlikely, but much like the folks who are convinced Obama was not born in America, we are completely undeterred by the facts.

We've also heard theories that Scott is actually a robot forged deep inside the secret artificial intelligence laboratory of a conservative think tank.

One scientist we contacted told us this is slightly more likely than the other scenario, but still probably not fact. The scientist then yelled at us for wasting his time and hung up.

Of course, Scott could put all of these theories to rest by simply producing a birth certificate — one proving he is indeed human. A quick Google image search for Rick Scott's birth certificate reveals nothing, and as we all know, if it's not on the Internet, it probably doesn't exist. Why are you hiding your birth certificate, Scott? Hmmm?

Then again, Riptide believes it is also quite possible that Scott might be a zombie, and only living people are considered electors in Florida. We once again dialed our scientist to inquire about this possibility, but he had blocked our number. He's probably in on the conspiracy anyway.

 
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26 comments
Donschneider44
Donschneider44

Rick Scott is a supporting and founding member of ALEC (American Legislative Exchange Council) and his programs have come from their suggested governing council objectives. He was praised recently for sharing those ideas and goals with Steve Southerland. Both were gravely disappointed in the demise of the "birther" controversy. Makes you pround to be a Floridian !

Idiot_Buster
Idiot_Buster

I do not have a problem with Scott proving that he was born on this planet, but what would keep him from producing a forgery like Obama's created bit of fantasy ?

Matthew Earl
Matthew Earl

Right now, I only blame the people of Florida that voted for Rick Scott. Just admit it. You KNEW better than to vote for this sleazebag. smh

PWL
PWL

Actually, the answer to your question is right in your article: you can't have a birth certificate if you were hatched....

JCtx
JCtx

Did Scott really live in Florida for the past seven years? For some reason, I thought he lived elsewhere when he was doing the big con at his heath care business.

John Smith
John Smith

First this so called New Times ought to be changed to its proper current philosophy "Old Times", since the "new times" call for limited Government.As far as the "And unlike the president, Scott could have been born anywhere and it wouldn't matter." this is to some extent true but for completely different reasons. You see, Scott knows what it means to create and produce products and services of value and Obama knows how to take and consume value out of services and products. Entrepreneurs produce while so called do-gooders take from those that produce.Ok, for those that need common sense examples here is one: If I were to rob a bank and donate the money to the public and the needy would this act be honorable and sufficiently noble to free me from the crime of robbery. It is obvious that the answer is NO, but the government with illegality does that same act by stealing from one group and giving it to another group that is politically connected and to the political supporters of the dishonest policy makers. They use the common good rhetoric as the excuse and the majority of people see this act as though it is a Right and as righteous. Those that understand that Government has to also comply with the laws that the people are subjected to respect, they understand that the act is not noble but criminal because Government does not have the right to steal without punishment. But of course when you have half of the population as takers and accepting gifts from Government why would they ask for an honest Government?Gimme, gimme gimme is better than having to honestly work for goods and services!!!!

Poontang
Poontang

"Entrepreneurs produce while so called do-gooders take from those that produce."

Rick Scott stole billions from medicare, big producer, yes indeed... produced a lot of money for himself !!

Dee
Dee

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

John Smith
John Smith

The usual left progressive response when they have no clue, can't dispute the facts and truth. Best thing you can do is go to sleep. I agree!!!!

PWL
PWL

Sorry, you sound like someone who O.D.ed on "Atlas Shrugged." but if you want to be a good little serf, that's OK....

John Smith
John Smith

ahhh spoken like the true generation X crowd that believes every one owes them something and that they are entitled to other people's money. And by the way I have not yet read atlas shrugged but it is on my list. I will enjoy it, I'm sure.Avoiding the issue and the objectivity of my comment is to be expected from your kind.

FloridaGal50
FloridaGal50

Ask yourself one question: Why would Rick Scott spend SEVENTY-THREE MILLION dollars of his own money to get elected, then say "I will give up my governor salary for one year if elected"... this is a man who had designs on this state from the get-go.

He put himself in a position to MAKE MONEY off the state of Florida. He wants to get a return on his investment of $73 million. His Wife now owns the drug-testing company - what else have the SCOTTS done to line their already rich pockets ...off the backs of the poor and unemployed? Only the insiders know. Scott knows well the systems of MEDICARE AND MEDICAID - that will be his next scam... how can he capitalize (rape) the system of healthcare for the poor and the elderly.

This man is a greedy evil bastard... plain and simple.

JOELOVEDO
JOELOVEDO

why you vote him?

Joe Snow
Joe Snow

Most didnt, he stole it in grand Florida election fraud style. We are the peoples Republic of Florida.

k55f
k55f

Psychopaths are still homo sapiens, just without the compassion.

MervG
MervG

Fine with testing them as long as it's not Ricky's business doing the testing.......Oh...... never mind her transfered the business to his wife, so really he won't be making money off of Florida, his wife will.

AristotleTheHun
AristotleTheHun

New AKA Obama BC fake - Prove it to yourself

http://thesteadydrip.blogspot....

Dr. Polland’s Analysis of the Certificate of Live Birth Released on April 27, 2011“The morons forget to flatten the layers! You should see what this looks like in Photoshop or any other Adobe program that reads PDF’s and works with layers.”# # # #

Scanned documents aren't evidence of anything even if they are legitimate. The entire reason there is a professional field known as forensic document examination is that a great deal can be told from examination of the original document itself. Much, much less can be told by looking at a photocopy of a document and very little, if anything at all, can be told from looking at a digital image that purports to be an image of an original document. Too much opportunity for adulteration, no opportunity to examine the paper, the ink, any impressions made on the paper, etc. These online arguments discussing images are like people studying animals by examining imitation scat.# # # # # #KJCT-8 News: Graphic Artist Questions Obama Birth Certificate http://thesteadydrip.blogspot....# # # # # #IS THIS DOCUMENT VALID? - YES OR NO AND REASON WHY http://thesteadydrip.blogspot...."The only people who don't want to disclose the truth are people with something to hide." - Barack Hussein Obama - August 21, 2010

The fact that such an obvious forgery as the Obama birth certificate is not gaining any traction from Republican leadership is a puzzlement.

Do you suppose the Republicans are saving this damaging revelation for later on? Why use it now? Wouldn’t it have a more powerful effect nearer election time?

AristotleTheHun
AristotleTheHun

Judge Decides - The Public's Right to Know Outweighs the Politicians Right to Privacy! There is much of legal thinking that I don't understand, but let me put this forward. During the 2010 electionsa judge in Alaska made a rulling about a candidate keeping things secret from the people. Here is my take on that incident: Hey Obama - The Public's Right to Know Outweighs the Politicians Right to Privacy!

"Mr. Miller's right to privacy is indeed outweighed by the public's significant interest in the background of a public figure who is running for the U.S. Senate."

Let's just rephrase that a little:

Mr. Obama's right to privacy is indeed outweighed by the public's significant interest in the background of a public figure who claims to be President of the United States.

From the Anchorage Daily News, Judge orders Miller documents released:http://www.adn.com/2010/10/23/...

Kissmywhiteass
Kissmywhiteass

I guess we'll be hearing slams against Scott simply because he has the "audacity" to expect welfare leaches to do the same as taxpayers who submit to drug testing. If it's all that bad - get an f---ing job. Oh, and guess what - you'll be tested there as well. Finally, it looks like having your hand out comes with some responsibilities.

Boraxo
Boraxo

Taxpayers have to submit to drug testing? News to me.

But hey, if we're going to drug test everyone with their hand out, then how about drug testing social security recipients? Farm subsidy recipients. Any owners of a business getting state contracts.

Bonus points: So someone with kids flunks a drug test. I guess you're going to let the children starve. Punish the kids for their parents smoking a joint, what a great idea.

anon1
anon1

Well golly, thanks, whiteass, but I already have a fucking job!

Oh, and guess what -- it's leeches, not leaches.

That's what Scott is, a leech. He sucked your tax dollars when he leeched off Medicare and crammed the money in his pockets. Capice?

Limp Wrist
Limp Wrist

Rick Scott has a mob associate in his leadership coalition. Meet Joe Ardolina of American Truck Sales. He's a former vice president in the now defunct H&W Refuse Service whose president was Anthony Carione, fingered by law enforcement along with his brother Frank Carione, as then active figures in the underworld. Another brother, Joseph Carione, plead guilty to defrauding the government as a co-defendant in a case that involved Colombo crime boss Andrew Russo. bit.ly/edERUe

anon1
anon1

That zombie bastard should be the first one to get drug tested, too.

 
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