Sweet Ear Wax, Camel Balls, and Candy Pee: The Ten Grossest Candies Ever!
Have a heart. Don't give these candies to trick-or-treaters.
Halloween is next Monday, and with it comes trick-or-treating and candy. Candy, by its very existence, is sweet, delicious, and created solely to make you feel good.
So, of course, some genius decided that if you can mold candy into, say, a teddy bear, you can mold it into a worm. And if you can mold the candy into a worm, why not an oozing eyeball or snot or worse.
We've put together a collection of what we believe is the most disgusting, horrible, vomit-inducing collection of candy ever seen, just in time for Halloween. Enjoy!
The candy that comes with its own plunger. The best part about this candy is that it comes in pink, green, and blue. So when you're done with the candy, you have a place for your Barbie, GI Joe, or Spiderman to take a dump.
9. Candy Sperm
What creeps us out is the tag line on the box: "The candy you love to swallow!" All we're saying is that this candy better make like Cracker Jacks and come with a ring in the box if those little gummy sperms expect us to swallow. And who said anything about love?
8. Candy Camel Balls
This is the biggest WTF on the list. How did this product go down in the bubblegum marketing department? "Yeah, donkey balls are good, but let's go for something more exotic. Hey! How about a camel? Everyone loves a camel, and they're really hung too. Oh, and let's make them squirt red goo for extra fun and flavor." Ewww.
7. Candy Boogers
So what's the big deal about candy boogers? It's not like we all haven't eaten our own snot before. Only now we can eat them in public and they come in refreshing lemon and lime flavors.
6. Gummy Haggis
Probably the worst food ever created, haggis is a Scottish abomination of sheep's stomach stuffed with heart, liver, lungs, and oatmeal. Just thinking about it is enough to make any sane individual want to puke. So, of course, let's make it into a candy. At least it's butterscotch and not sheep's-stomach-flavored, and for that we are eternally grateful.
This candy is part of a zombie master plan to assimilate so that when the zombie apocalypse finally happens, you'll be lulled into a false sense of security. To make sure you'll be OK with them eating your brains, zombie marketing executives have made these candy brains in the hopes that when they come to get you, you'll agree just how tasty brains can be... as they bite down on your skull.
Nifty Candy Co,
4. Candy Blood
Hey, Team Edward! Here's a little treat for every pubescent Twilight fan who can't wait the three weeks to finally see Bella get it on with a vampire. This strawberry-flavored liquid is perfect for re-creating hot vampire sex or topping ice cream.
3. Ear Wax
Somehow worse than snot, this gummy ear wax brings back terrible memories of the time our old Aunt Nettie asked us to help clean out her ears for a quarter. We've never been able to even look at candles since then. This candy just gave us a very bad flashback.
Nifty Candy Co
2. Candy Pee
Unless you're looking for a stocking stuffer for Charlie Sheen or Lindsay Lohan, we're not sure who would want to drink yellow fluid out of a specimen jar. Worse, it comes in lemonade and green asparagus. Just wrong.
1. Candy Cremains
Uncle Urnie was one sweet guy. When he died, we ate him. We're thinking this could be a lovely goodie-bag item for Miami funerals. You know, when the 25-year-old
grieving widow newly rich and single hottie finally lays to rest her 68-year-old beloved husband dead sucker before sitting shiva at LIV!
Get the Food & Drink Newsletter
Our weekly guide to Miami dining includes food news and reviews, as well as dining events and interviews with chefs and restaurant owners.