Just when you think the Miami Dolphins couldn't possibly take you to a darker, more regretful place, they serve you an all-time stinker like the one they put on us Sunday afternoon. The Dolphins 41-14 loss to the Buffalo Bills opened their refurbished home field with the loudest fart sound, one that should require them to replenish any funds the fans used on their SunPass while traveling to and from the field.
If that's not bad enough, Miko Grimes — the talk-show host and wife of All-Pro cornerback Brent Grimes — was arrested outside the stadium after tussling with police, as captured in the video above.
In the end, this wasn't just some Miami Dolphins loss — no, no, we are used to those by now — this defeat was particularly soul-ripping in nature. This loss just nailed home the thought that Dolphins fans — once again — were somehow fooled into thinking this season would be any different from the past 30. Once again, fans let their team's mindlessly splashy offseason spending make them believe this team actually had a shot to be anything than it has always been. In the end, there is nothing but pain when rooting for this team — Sunday was just the latest reminder of that.
We legitimately will never learn.
A few Dolphins fans couldn't take it anymore and left — at halftime. Even down 27-0, your team has to be an extra-special brand of Korean-market-seafood-department-stinky for fans to decide they'd rather leave the home opener at the intermission than sit and watch that crap anymore. These people waited eight months for this meal, and they sent the dish back to the kitchen half-eaten and left starving. They went home and presumably did not have sex — because nobody want to be touched after that half of football. The Miami Dolphins are the best form of birth control.
Think it can't get any worse? Well, you haven't been a Dolphins fan long enough — because shit got so much worse! After the game, a fan tweeted a video of Miko Grimes being handcuffed by police.
Apparently, Mrs. Grimes crossed an area you're not supposed to cross after the game, and well, she never ended up making it into the game. She was arrested for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.
If you follow her on Twitter, you know this won't be the last we'll hear about this.
Per Miami-Dade police: Miko Grimes has been arrested on charges of battery on a police officer, resisting arrest with violence.— Adam Beasley (@AdamHBeasley) September 28, 2015
Next week, the Dolphins will take their happy asses north to play a 9:30 a.m. game against the New York Jets — because their goal is to ruin the only thing left that they have never somehow poisoned with their suck: your morning coffee. I hate you with my entire body, Miami Dolphins. Sometimes I want to gain weight just so there is more of me to hate you. I will never forgive you for all the pain you have caused me.
And now for some tweets.
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We're all looking at each other after those play calls from Lazor like.... pic.twitter.com/NM6ypm0PcW— Chris Joseph (@byChrisJoseph) September 27, 2015