Marco Rubio Is a Hawk, and He's Ready for a Space War

The signs have been there all along: The obsession with Nicki Minaj. The naive belief that he will someday rule the free world. His love of ornamental swords. Marco Rubio is a teenage dude stuck in a U.S. senator's body.

And his speech last night seemed to indicate he's been binging on Star Wars trailers. Rubio unveiled his full foreign-policy doctrine last night in Washington, and he's now so hawkish that he's dying for an outer-space fight to break out so he can kick some space ass:

That bit of lightsaber-rattling aside, Rubio is not beating around the bush about trying to be the toughest dude in the GOP primary. He has already highlighted a foreign-policy ideology that draws on a Liam Neeson quote for inspiration: Last week, the senator told a crowd in South Carolina, "Our strategy on global jihadists and terrorists, I refer them to the movie Taken... We will look for you, we will find you, and we will kill you.” 

Last night, he laid out a policy built on those fightin' words, saying his three core values as president would be "American strength, the protection of our global economy, and proud advocacy of American values."

As Bloomberg Politics points out this morning, that values-enforcing-global-policeman stance is a 180-degree swing from what Rubio told voters just two years ago as he angled to be Mitt Romney's running mate. Then, he backed negotiating with Iran and American humanitarian programs and said, "Preferably, we can succeed through coercive means short of military force."

But that was before Rubio ripped off his shirt sleeves, got out his Millennium Falcon Legos, and began thinking about the fact that as president of the United States, he could totally start a literal, actual space war. 

Ironically, the one war Rubio isn't so keen on is the real conflict started by the last Republican president. As Jeb Bush spent the week hanging himself on botched answers about how he would have handled his brother's decision to launch the catastrophic War in Iraq, Rubio sprinted away from that unpopular decision. 

Rubio told the Council on Foreign Relations that he wouldn't have voted for the War in Iraq knowing that Saddam Hussein didn't have weapons of mass destruction.

Now, if Saddam had been hiding space bombs, that would be a different story.


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