On schedule at exactly 10 a.m. yesterday morning, Miami's most notorious con man called New Times to chat. This rigmarole has been happened every day at the same time for weeks now, but yesterday's made for slightly different fodder.
For the next 30 minutes, Jimmy Sabatino held forth on every perceived problem -- of which there were apparently many -- in this week's feature on Sabatino, "The Don of Con."
Jimmy Sabatino, a five-foot-six, 360 pound scam artist who compulsively hatches insane scams to sate his incredible need for attention, says he's told a lot of lies. But there's one that's truth, he swears, and he really super-duper wants you to believe it: Jimmy Sabatino knows famous people.
As such, the highest issue on Sabatino's litany of complaints? That "scumbag," Method Man, who claimed in our feature that he doesn't know Sabatino. "I don't know that nigga, 100," he recently explained to New Times from his e-mail account, pinkyphatphat.
Sabatino doesn't care if you call him a felon. Call him a liar, or a cheat -- and then watch him not give two fucks. But to imply that Sabatino doesn't know Method Man is a wild, brazen lie. "Method Man is a dirty scumbag, and that's why he didn't stand by me. Haven't you seen the pictures of me and him?"
Well, haven't you, reader?
For a man currently facing 80 years in the slammer, who cops allege had sex with a 17-year-old girl, this would appear to be a frivolous point of contention. But such appearances would underestimate the neuroses of Jimmy Sabatino.
Because, if possible, there's another matter in our cover story -- which Sabatino hasn't even read yet, mind -- that's really gotten under his skin.
His cousin, Joyce Anne Femia, told us a story of how her cousin wasn't popular in high school. And once, in an attempt to get the other kids stop bullying him, Sabatino conned a bunch of beepers off someone and parceled them out to the popular kids like baseball cards.
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"Who the fuck is going to bully me?" he kvetches over the telephone. "It's so ludicrous to say something like that. Someone would bully me -- and then I'd pay them [in beepers]? I'd rather take it in the fucking ass. I'm a man. It's so ludicrous to even insinuate that. My cousin don't know me."
But after roughly 25 minutes of sheer umbrage, Sabatino got sheepish. "So, anyway," he segues. "How many comments are there? Are people liking the story? Yeah, I thought they would."
Send your story tips to the author, Terrence McCoy.