15. Best Bieber
At first we thought: "Holy shit! That's Justin Bieber at Ultra! Wow! This is better than Madge's crash (and burn) last year!"
Alas! It was merely a cardboard likeness of our favorite pothead newbie. But for desperate Bieber fans like us, any Bieb'll do.
14. Best Use of the Word Ratchet
He already sweated off the "t." 'Nuff said.
13. Most Reasonable Request
This dude is asking not to get eaten? Come on, bro. You don't look that delicious.
If we were coming in from out of town, we'd ask the same of Miami. No one wants to go on spring break and come back faceless. But doesn't it seem a wee bit foolish to think a guy hungry for flesh would stop and read your shirt first? Just offer him hot sauce and consider this Ultra a bust.
12. Best Butt
We've been going on and on about butts at Ultra. But honestly, this smooth, nude booty takes the prize. That's one ass that knows how to impress.
Side note: The guy holding his bum curtain is up for Biggest Bitch.
11. Best Bovine
We love a little cow. Mostly to eat. But also to bump udders with at a rave.
10. Most Popular
We're just sitting here, licking our lips, thinking about the Trapped stage. It's the new girl at school. And everyone wants a piece a' that trap ass.
9. Best Dressed
The trees win this one. They were dripping with lights.
Here at Ultra, where the trees are touchstones of sanity (and sometimes sexuality) in a sea of sweaty teens, the oaks need a little extra something to stand out. These were just the thing. The accessories were subtle yet flattering. Slimming, but not underwhelming. Whatever that means.
8. Best View
These Robinson Crusoe-types took to the air to get the best view of the main stage. It was impossible to see anything from the ground. But up in the hammock, these two were like, "Fuck y'all who can't see 'cause we're hanging in a tree obstructing your view! YOLO! Spring break!"
7. Most Certain of Their Sex Appeal
They say confidence is sexy. But our genitals tell us, in this case, it ain't.
6. Grossest Pervert
This future predator of Central America was walking around with a chicken on his head and an inflatable cock positioned for the kill. Just look at that smile. He truly deserves the title of Grossest Pervert.
5. Most Entrepreneurial
These chicks are impressive. Shamelessly slinging homemade headbands for over 20 bucks a pop at a festival where most everyone's blasted. You know how you're not supposed to go grocery shopping when you're hungry, just like you're not supposed to browse the Internet when you're shitfaced. I'm sure these ladies made a killing.
4. Dad-liest Costume
Is that pops or Fatboy Slim?
3. Second Best Form of Transportation
We think riding your fixed-gear is the number-one best way to get to Ultra. You can burn some calories, look hip as shit, and be all totally green about life. However, not everyone lives close enough to downtown to bike without baking, and some people hate people on bikes. So the second best way to get to Ultra is the Metrorail and Metromover.
People don't usually ride the rail, but they should. If you like the drugs or drink, this is the perfect way to stumble around Miami.
2. Best Weirdest Costume
This is a poor man's Lumpy Space Princess from Adventure Time to most. But to us, this was the most innovative weirdo disguise at Ultra.
You can dress up like a robot till you're, well, silver in the face. But this DIY creation is way, way cooler. He almost looks like he rolled around in sheets and somehow found the party. But then you see the eyes behind the star, and you think, "I just hope he made that at home with his mom."
If you like this story, consider signing up for our email newsletters.
SHOW ME HOW
You have successfully signed up for your selected newsletter(s) - please keep an eye on your mailbox, we're movin' in!
1. Coolest Guy at Ultra
Hey, Sikh guy! Mr. Turnt Out in a Turban! We don't love turbans like you do, but we definitely want to be your friend.