Miami’s Five Best Mom Clubs

Moms are caring, intelligent, beautiful, nurturing creatures, but showing how much you love them can be hard. Sure, if you hand mom a construction-paper heart with some raw macaroni haphazardly glued all over it, she’ll gush like Old Faithful. But c’mon, giving mom sloppy arts and crafts is so elementary school.

When you’re old enough to drink but past the point of beer bongs, you’re ready for a night on the town with your maker. It’s like that old Scissor Sisters joint: you’ve got to take your momma out all night and show her that you’re doing the best you can. Plus, moms love letting their hair down, getting a little wild, and watching you foot the bill. You’ll have to fight her for it, but that’s how adults say, “I love you. Wasn’t I worth it?”

So it’s settled. You’re taking your mom, or that special mom in your life, to the club for a night to be remembered. The only thing is to pick the perfect place.

Downtown Mom: Hard Rock Cafe at Bayside Marketplace
Got a rock ’n’ roll mom on your hands? Is she always regaling you with tales from the old Sportatorium days? Sounds like you’ve got the kind of momma that wants to have a few cold brews and jam out to hits from the golden era of guitars. Bayside is perfect. Moms love hanging out by the water, and this place offers the perfect amount of cheese. Slip the cover band a few bucks and get them to play her favorite song. Your mom is worth it. Kendall Mom: Kaffe Krystal
Maybe rock isn’t her thing. Maybe she misses the days when DJ Laz was kickin’ booty-quakin’ beats. Maybe your mom needs a chance to get out on a dance floor and show the younger generation a thing or two. It’s like these kids think they invented butts or something. Not so. Butts were big decades ago. Mom will tell you all about it. Kaffe Krystal was the happening hotspot when the honeys in daisy dukes were as real as the asses they flaunted. Just don’t get embrassed when your mom tries to “Scrub Da Ground." Just help her back up like a good kid would.
South Beach Mom: LIV
Maybe mom is actually kind of young. Or maybe she is just trying to be young forever. There’s no shame in her game on this holiday. If you’ve got a party mom on your hands, get her all glitzed up and go all out. Can you take the hit of VIP table fees? There’s never been a better time to make it rain for the woman who gave you life. And if you’re taking out a young mom, get a good damn babysitter, OK? Moms are moms every day, but they deserve a fancy night off once in a while.
Little Havana Mom: Hoy Como Ayer
Moms of all ages are looking for an excuse to wear their dancing shoes, and if you’ve got the kind of mom who can kick a mean salsa, you need to take her to the place where the pros go to baile. Hoy Como Ayer is always packin’ them in with the lure of authentic Cuban rhythms. Maybe it’s a little jazz, maybe it’s a little funk, maybe it’s a little Afro-Cuban, but it’s certainly going to be great. This is where Celia Cruz and Gloria Estefan once played. Plus, there’s great Cuban food to nom between dance moves. So what if you can’t dance? Mom will show you what’s up.
Brickell Mom: Blue Martini
If you’ve got a fancy, sophisticated mommy on your hands, take that mom to Blue Martini. It’s upscale but casual, classy but still cool. Let her get dolled up and release her inner schmoozer. Put your pinky up while you sip on cocktails in cute glasses and go in on some appetizers served with posh presentation. Sit outside and take in the sights and sounds of the fiscally fierce. She’ll be superimpressed and starry-eyed, and that’s really what Mother’s Day is all about. You done good, kid. You done good.