I started sleeping with a co-worker after a few too many beers at an office happy hour sent us into a long night of fucking. Though I hadn't felt sparks before, we continued to sleep together for four months even though he was in a relationship. Things got so steamy that I started to fall for him, and he even said he wanted to leave his girlfriend for me. But then I found out I was pregnant. When I told him, the first thing he said was: "Have an abortion." And then, the next day, he left a $300 check on my desk with a Post-It attached that read, "Just do it," with a smiley face. I couldn't believe he could be so callous! I'm pro-choice, but I'm also 32, basically single, no kids, with a decent job — I feel like I'm ready for this, no matter how it happened. So how do I break the news to him? And even more, am I making the right decision?
The question of whether you should have a baby is between you, your uterus, and your sanity. But I must say that a dude who puts sneaker slogans and smiley faces on Post-It notes isn't fit to fuck, let alone be somebody's baby daddy. Then again, considering that many women give birth first and discover their man is a deadbeat second, consider yourself lucky. The guy knows what he's able to handle. Sure, it could have been a knee-jerk reaction, but his speedy suggestion and the check (without a proper discussion) make me think you've been shagging an immature man. He sees abortion as a quick fix and fails to realize it's more like Wite-Out. What they tried to erase is still there, will always be there, and is only hidden. Got me?
As far as letting him know of your decision to have the baby, leave it on a Post-It. Write, "Strong enough for a man, made for a woman," and draw a middle finger. Kiddddding. Please don't stoop to his level. Take him out for a drink, 'cause he'll need one, and tell him what he needs to know: that you're having the baby, that you would appreciate his support — both financial and in your kid's life — and that's it. Don't press him to leave his girlfriend; don't make threats about child support — none of that. At this point, he'll be so overwhelmed by the thought of having a baby that adding anything else to the mix would just be sadistic. You're going to be someone's mother soon. Might as well start learning some compassion now. Meow.