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Philip Levine Might Ride a Democratic Wave Into the Governor's Mansion

1 year ago by Daniel Rivero
In September 2014, Norma Healey, a widow from Texas, took a weeklong Royal Caribbean cruise with a pack of younger friends. They'd leave Galveston, Texas, and stop in Cozumel, Grand Cayman, and Jamaica. Healey, a rouge-haired, blue-eyed 75-year-old of medium build and a skin tone that "doesn't do well in...

LeBron James Will Win Fourth MVP

6 years ago by Kyle Munzenrieder
Was there really any doubt? ESPN reports that league sources confirm Miami Heat superstar LeBron James will officially be awarded his fourth MVP title this Sunday. It's the King's second MVP crown in a row, and his fourth in five years...

G-String Theory

10 years ago by Jacob Katel
Seriously, guys, there’s more to life than donk Chevys on 30-inch rims. There are also hot girls, muscle cars, custom bikes, and luxury whips with built-in Jacuzzis. This Friday, the people who brought you Car Warz, Sinbad Sports, and Klutch Customs are inviting you and all of their celebrity friends...

Black Resistance in Florida, From the Underground Railroad to the "Quiet Riot"

2 years ago by Maria de Los Angeles
On August 11, 2017, a group of white supremacists gathered in Charlottesville, Virginia, to protest the scheduled removal of a statue of Confederate icon Gen. Robert E. Lee from Emancipation Park. With tension mounting in the city, the so-called Unite the Right rally turned violent the following day, when heated clashes erupted...

Conan the Destroyer


LeBron James Is Better Than Michael Jordan Ever Was

5 years ago by Luther Campbell
Last week, in game four of the NBA Eastern Conference Finals, LeBron James broke Michael Jordan's playoff record for most games with at least 25 points, five rebounds, and five assists. It was another milestone for the Miami Heat superstar. As the Heat heads to the NBA Finals for the...

Castro Death Meter: Sex Machine Fidel is Now Only 56 Percent Dead, Experts Fear

10 years ago by Gus Garcia-Roberts
On Monday, Riptide sent recently-published photos of Fidel Castro sitting in a hospital-style wheelchair thingy to a team of high-priced lab-coat-wearing experts. The experts fed the photos, along with a copy of a new book in which a "former official" named "Ramon" claims that Fidel slept with a Wilt-Chamberlain-shaming 35,000...

LeBron James Is Better Than Michael Jordan Ever Was

5 years ago by Luther Campbell
Uncle Luke, the man whose booty-shaking madness made the U.S. Supreme Court stand up for free speech, gets as nasty as he wants to be for Miami New Times. This week, Luke tells why LeBron James is better than Michael Jordan ever was. On Monday night, in game four of...

Sweet Georgia Brown

7 years ago by Jacob Katel
Tiny is 7-foot-8, hails from Loughborough, England, plays for the Harlem Globetrotters, and can slam-dunk a basketball without jumping. His teammate Too Tall Hall is 5-foot-2 and might be better than LeBron. Globetrotter basketball, which combines athletic ability, jokes, and drama, also offers the most socially progressive team in the...

LeBron Drops 51 As Heat Beat Magic

9 years ago by Chris Joseph
There is one universal truth that Orlando Magic general manager Otis Smith must come to realize. And that is, don't make LeBron James angry. Otis Smith wouldn't like him when he's angry. During the off-season, Smith smugly questioned LeBron's competitiveness after King James decided to sign with Miami. And clearly,...

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