What are you gonna do to ring in the New Year? Get drunk? Spend a bunch of money at a club? Shoot a gun in the air?
Well fuck you.
My man Chris (in the black wife beater) and everybody down on SW 27th street got up at the crack of dawn and drove out to the Everglades. They shelled out $200 to some dude who dragged out a pig and slaughtered it right in front of them.
After seasoning the pig and tossing its innards into a giant frying pan, the boys chopped down a tree and ran the trunk through the carcass. They used free weights and cinder blocks to make a spit.
Then they spent nine hours roasting the pig in a ditch they dug in the front lawn of their rented house.
So go ahead. Drink your champagne. Sing your song. Tell everyone you know you love them. But you’ll never be half the man that these dudes are…
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.