While the excitement of an early morning Easter basket hunt is generally considered kid's domain, Easter Sunday is actually much more momentous for adults. After all, it marks the end of 40 painful days and nights of Lenten sacrifice.
And hell, even if you leave all the religious jazz out of the equation, who wouldn't want a swag-stuffed Easter basket awaiting them on Sunday morning? So, for the adults in your life, here's what you can stuff into a plastic carryall in place of Cadbury eggs, stuffed bunnies and neon grass.
10. Zombie bunny lollipops
Everything's cooler as a zombie, Easter bunnies included. Give these delightfully creepy undead bunnies to the zombie lover in your life. They'll serve as a lovely reminder that even when the zombie apocalypse comes, you'll still have a piece of her heart. Literally.
9. Tuborg Easter Brew
In Denmark, springtime means the famous Kylle, Kylle Easter brew. For any beer lover, this warm, full bodied pilsner will pair quite nicely with Easter breakfast. Gotta break Lent sometime, right?
8. Chocolate body paint.
Chocolate bunnies are so third grade. Licking your chocolate fix off your lover's bod is way more fun than biting into a rabbit's butt. And you can paint pretty pastoral Easter scenes all over his nether regions while you're at it.
7. Sexy rabbit underwear
This furry undergarment gives "Peter" a whole new meaning. After all, what dude wouldn't wanna wrap his peter in a comfy, cozy lil bunny?
6. Brandy-filled Easter eggs
Chocolate is good. Chocolate with alcohol in it is better. Hershey could learn a thing or two from the Germans.
5. Peeps gear
Everyone loves Peeps. Just not eating them. So pay tribute to these pop culture icons with something that'll last longer than their saccharine sweet marshmallow incarnation.
4. Playboy bunny robe
Even more famous than the Easter bunny is the Playboy bunny. But really, it's more advantageous to be the king of the bunnies (Hef) than one of his minions. So give the woman in your life a chance to don a Hef-inspired getup and rule your roost.
3. Ugly Easter sweater.
Why are ugly sweaters reserved for Jesus' birthday? His resurrection deserves a getup just as hideous. So get creative and score an ugly bunny sweater for your loved one. Forget fancy Easter dresses, this is a fashion statement FTW.
2.Donnie Darko Blu-ray
While it has absolutely nothing to do with Easter, this epic indie flick features what's quite possibly the creepiest bunny of all time. This is the stuff nightmares of made of ... perfect for a sunny Spring morning.
1. The rabbit.
For the lady in your life, nothing says spring fever like every girl's favorite pink bedside buddy. This buzzy little bunny will make her a lot happier than any backyard critter ever could.
Follow Hannah on Twitter @hannahalexs.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.