Opinion

Top 10 Old School Frozen TV Dinners and Bonus Vintage Ads

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5. Swanson - English Style Fish'n'Chips: The fish look like a cartoon caveman's club, an upside down alien autopsy head, and maybe even a couple of fish dicks. Those fries look soggy even in the picture on the box. Is that what "English Style" means? Or do they just get to call them that because they use some kind of Americanized olde english font. And what's with the stupid hat in the lower right? That logo sucks. It looks like a steamboat gear with some flowers wrapped around it.


4. Swanson - Fried Chicken TV Dinner: This one actually looks good. We would legitimately purchase and eat this. However, the fried chicken sign in the lower right might as well be a British Bathing flag, and as upstanding Americans that just don't sit right with us.


3. Swanson - Meat Loaf Dinner: Yeah, yeah, yeah, this one looks like shit too, but check it out, there's a Stainless Tableware Offer. Stainless Tableware would really come in handy for all those TV dinners we been eating, because obviously somebody who'd rather heat than cook would rather wash silver than throw out plastic.


2. Banquet - Salisbury Steak Dinner: We like the fact that this meal doesn't take the easy way out and put peas and carrots in separate compartments. No, no, no, on the contrary, they mix them up together and add a serving of mashed potatoes. Nice job on that. The steak kinda looks like a saucy turd floating in a river of ass juice, but hey, I guess that's why this one is Number 2.


1. Banquet - Veal Parmagian Dinner: We love the spelling used for parmagian. In our heads we're pronouncing it par-may-gi-en. But this meal really won our hearts and minds with the  small print full disclosure on patty makeup. The "Breaded Veal Patty" is made out of veal, beef, soy protein concentrate, water, rehydrated onions, sugar, salt, MSG, spice and garlic powder. Oh food industry you crafty bitch. Veal is baby cow (or bull), beef is grown up cattle, and soy's not even meat. So the question is, how much of each are in the patty, and just because you call it a Veal Patty does it make it so?

We'll let you figure that out for yourself. Here are some more images we find amusing....


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Jacob Katel
Contact: Jacob Katel