"Dude. So, fuckin', hungry. Let's eat."
Whether you're poking key holes into malt liquor tall cans in an abandoned field, drinking $10 Heinekens at a club on South Beach, slamming shots at home with friends, or draining funnels from a second floor fire hose beer bong, there will always reach a point where you hear, say or agree to heed the call for food, glorious food.
Here is our Top 10 list of drunk munchies, the foods you find yourself eating while intoxicated.
10. Your roommate's leftover spaghetti. Because it's free, easy, and only takes the effort of swiping what ain't yours, and laughing about it when you get caught red handed, mouthed, and shirt sleeved...don't act like you don't have any clothes with spaghetti stains.
9. Belligerent chef's food. "I'm not even that drunk, and I once ate a whole turkey, I mean made a whole turkey, I knew a guy who stuck his dick in a turkey, what's that smell, no I'm not burning anything, yes peanut butter does too go good on Ramen noodles, it's like Thai food or something."
8. Cheese.Yeah, that's right, cheese. This one's good for party girls who don't wanna hook up, cause nothin says "hey sexy" like cheese breath mixed with hunch punch and cigarettes.
7. Chips. Holy shit, I think I'm finally gonna get laid....but these chips, are, just, so, damn, crunchy. I am waaasted.
6. The random shit from the fridge. The following is the description provided by the person who uploaded the above photo to webshots: "1/2 gallon of ice cream, 1/2 box of ritz smothered in peanut butter, entire bag of baby carrots dipped in an entire bottle of ranch dressing, and 2 pieces of fried chicken...Emilie, you deserve to die." Classic.
5. Just plain bread. There is liquor made from rye, rye is a type of bread, everyone says bread soaks up liquor, so it follows drunken logic that bread is good food when you're drunk. And if eating it makes you thirsty, well then, drink some more.
4. Your local diner's late-night special. If you've ever ordered an appetizer sampler platter and separate orders of wings, fries, skins, rings, and sliders, and then ran when the bill came, then you've probably been to the diner drunk at 4 in the morning.
3. Sushi. Millions of Japanese alcoholics can't be wrong. True drunk-sushi experts and amateurs alike agree that overindulgence may result in regurgitated fish cooked in bile swimming in a pool of your vomit.
2. Drive-Thru. We can't fully endorse the ever popular late night drive-thru experience if you don't have a chauffeur, hey we've seen a drunken fool catch a flat tire in the drive-thru lane then drive on his rim the whole way home after running over a cat, what an idiot. But, if you happen to find yourself in a late night line for a value menu cheeseburger then make sure to enjoy your corporate death burger, seriously, millions of American dollars went into researching and developing active flavor modules to feed and satisfy you.
1. Pizza. We don't even need to explain this one do we? It is the perfect food for drunken munchies.
Here are some more funny pictures we got from our sources across the internets of people grubbing under the influence.
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.