Thanksgiving Restaurant Deals: The Worst, The Best, and The Rest

​Let's forget all the obligatory turkey talk and get down to the wavy gravy: A slew of restaurants are offering Thanksgiving Day specials, and we've sorted through them for you. This means a studious scrutiny of the menus as they relate to value and overall allure (listed prices do not include tax or tip).

We have no idea how these meals will actually taste, although there is some speculation involved based on each restaurant's track record on cuisine in general. Today we start with the category with the fewest entrants: The Worst. Tomorrow: The Best. Friday: The Rest.

The Worst

Brunch at the Fontainebleau

Thanksgiving brunch will be overseen by new executive chef Thomas Connell. Several stations in the Fontaine and Fleur de Lis Ballrooms will include Made-to-Order Omelets & Scrambled Eggs, Salad Bar, Charcuterie, Cheese and Antipasti Display, and a Seafood Bar with Chilled Gulf Shrimp, Snow Crab Claws and Blue Point Oysters. Two carving stations will also offer Miso Marinated Chilean Sea Bass and Classic Roast Heritage Turkey. Additional "trimmings" include Ale Braised Beef, Cider Baked Ham, Buttery Mashed Potatoes, Corn & Cranberry Bean Succotash, and Homemade Cinnamon Spiked Apple Sauce. For dessert, Apple Pie, Pumpkin Pie, Pecan Pie, Praline Bread Pudding.

The Fontainebleau
4441 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-538-2000

There are two seating options -- noon to 2:30 p.m. and 3:30 to 5:30 p.m. The menu is priced at $75 per guest for adults and $32.50 for kids ages 4-12 plus taxes and gratuity. Children under 3 years of age eat free.

Our Take: Plenty of good eats, and includes expensive items such as shrimp, oysters, etc. But the "two seating options" part is just plain lousy: Who wants to pay hundreds of dollars (which is what even a small family would cost) only to have to cram eating, drinking, and being merry for two measly hours? For this price, I want couches along the perimeter of the room, big screens flashing the games, and a private alarm clock to wake me when it's time to go home.

Viceroy Miami

The "Very Viceroygiving" event at the downtown Brickell hotel offers a "Mediterranean‐accented holiday" at bistro|e, on the 15th floor.

Teasers (choice of):
Provencal Salad Baby Artichokes, Baby Root Vegetables, Honey‐Thyme Vinaigrette or Butternut Squash Soup with Foie Gras & Wild Mushroom Crostini

Main (choice of):
Oven Roasted Turkey Potato Puree, Chanterelle‐Pear Stuffing, Brussels Sprouts, Cranberry Marmalade or Lobster Risotto Saffron Aioli, Piquillo, Mussels, and Clams or Beef Tenderloin Wild Mushroom, Chestnuts, Black Truffle Beurre Fondue

Sweet Note:
Petit Fours ‐ Chef's Choice

Viceroy Miami
485 Brickell Ave., Miami; 305-503-4400

Very Viceroygiving runs from 1 to 8 p.m. $75 per person. Children 12 and under are priced at $45.00.

Our Take: $75 bucks is a lot of dough - too much to be offering petit fours for dessert. Who the frick eats petit fours on Thanksgiving? Greeks? Terrorists? I dunno. This is an uninspiring menu in general. And the name "Viceroygiving" is just awful.

Wish at the Hotel

Wish is offering a 3-course dinner menu. The regular a la carte menu will also be available.

Butternut Squash Soup
Candied Pecans, Roasted Butternut Squash, Candied Ginger, Maple Syrup Foam

Roasted Turkey Breast
Bread Stuffing with Turkey Leg Confit, Caraway Seeds, Cranberry Yuzu Sauce

Warm Pumpkin Pie
Graham Cracker Crust, Spiced Madeira Wine Syrup, Whipped Cream

801 Collins Ave., Miami Beach; 305-674-9474.

Served from 6 - 10:30 p.m. $55 per person.

Our Take: Where are the sweet potatoes? No vegetable? No choices? Not a terribly exciting menu. Which is a nice way of saying "booooorrr-ing!"

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Miami New Times' restaurant reviewer for the past decade, and the world's indisputable master of disguise.
Contact: Lee Klein