Ten Suggested New Year's Resolutions for Miami Restaurateurs

All right, Mr. and Ms. Restaurant Owner, repeat after me:

This coming year, I resolve to...

1. Train the hosts greeting guests at my establishment to exhibit fewer teeth and more intelligence.

2. Read at least one national food magazine per month in order to keep abreast of what's going on in the 21st-century food world.

3. Be more conscious of where I get my products from and to specifically use meats and poultry only from farms that raise animals in a humane way.

4. Absolutely banish any thoughts of spinning off a pizza place from my successful restaurant.

5. Give truffle oil, foie gras, pork belly, sliders, mac 'n' cheese, and all other exhausted comestibles a rest.

6. Teach my waiters not to interrupt conversaton in order to ask

whether diners would like their empty water glasses refilled or

empty plates removed, and instead just assume, yes, they would. And

also to not filter out all the chlorine from the water system.

7. Be on premises or have somebody I trust be on premises at all times to assure my guests are served the way I would

want to be served.

8. Try to give my customers decent value

for their money -- even during months that are not part of the

Miami Spice promotion.

9. Remove chocolate molten cake, key

lime pie, crème brûlée, and tiramisu from my dessert menu and, well,

start from scratch, this time with at least a modicum of imagination.
10. Remind myself and my staff that many a marvelous meal has been

marred at the very end by a lapse in getting the check to the table.

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Miami New Times' restaurant reviewer for the past decade, and the world's indisputable master of disguise.
Contact: Lee Klein