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Swamp People Kill Low-Cholesterol Gators That Taste Like Chicken

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Have you caught an episode of Swamp People on the History Channel yet? No? You should. When that asteroid that is scheduled to hit the planet in about twenty years finally lands, the only people who might survive the big kaboom will be -- you guessed it -- Swamp People. They will re-populate the earth with primates, ooops, people, who know how to hunt, catch, kill and masticate whatever moves.

The premise of the weekly TV show is: a History Channel (HC) journalist follows some hunters into the heart of Louisiana's murky, dangerous, alligator-overpopulated swamp lands. In one recent episode Blake and Austin go catch something bigger than the small pirogue they are paddling in, with a hook, some line and a big powerful gun. The History Channel films them bringing the grub back to their hungry kin. Viewer discretion is advised. Ratings are up.

HC: When did you guys start hunting?
Blake: "did-en start til Ay waz ate. Austin was seeven."

HC: What do you expect to find in these waters?
Austin: "Get sum beg gateos. Will catchum, da big butt big sonabitches. Cook em up right en taste jus like chiken."

HC: I understand some of the alligators are really big. Isn't it dangerous to go hunting in such a small boat?
Blake: "Naaah, I jut wanna get me sum of dat meat en put it on da fiya. Der're too many dose monstars out der, We just livin off da land. Got kids n wife ta feed. Dis is how we make our livin. Luv ma swamps."

Are you hungry yet? According to Natasha, who is a member of the wait staff at the Miccosukee Restaurant in West Miami-Dade, "Alligator meat is very fair, almost white in color and really does taste just like chicken. It's pretty healthy because it's very low in cholesterol. We serve it here in the restaurant. It's listed on the menu as Gator Bites and it's prepared in nugget form. It comes with fries ($14.95), and it's very popular."

Alligator meat can also be bought on line and seems reasonable at about $12.50 a pound.

Blake and Austin caught a tiny "five footer" before the show ended. They were rather disappointed with the small critter. Blake said, "Gater zonly five fet but it'z gotta temper."

Well now you know how to keep your cholesterol levels low and still enjoy them Gator Bites. As for the History Channel, can't you people include sub-titles in future shows?

See ya later, alligator.

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

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