Food News

Short Order Moves to Cuba Until Food in Miami Improves


Sorry America, your food sucks.

We've been waiting to tell you for a while as we saved up enough money to buy a field in the mountains of Cuba, grow our own crops, kill our own animals, smoke pot, drink mojitos, ride bikes, go camping, and take pictures all day.

We'll move back here and rejoin society when you get your shit together.

For now, work on taking all the chemicals, additives, preservatives, hormones, plastic, tin foil, artificials, industrial food-type products, processed cheeses, unregulated, and otherwise craptastic garbage elements out of the shit we eat. Thanks.

Screw you! We're outta here, suckas.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Jacob Katel
Contact: Jacob Katel