Miami Heat vs. Chicago Bulls: They're Just a Bunch of Wieners

With the help of local boy Udonis Haslem, the Heat nailed the Bulls last night 85-75. Now we come back to Miami for re-ignition of this NBA Eastern Conference Finals sausage fest on Saturday at 8:30 p.m.

Since we're foodies, not sports handicappers, we decided to do a "playoff" of the food kind - pitting the Chicago Hot Dog against our version, the Colombian. Here's what we found:

The Chicago Dog

Chicago is known for two things: hot dogs and horribly windy winters. The Chicago Dog starts its life as a basic all-beef Kosher mutt, either boiled or steamed. It's placed in a poppy-seed bun and "raked through the garden." It's the next step that gives the Chicago dog identity. It is dressed with yellow mustard, chopped raw onions, pickled relish, tomato slices, a dill pickle spear, hot peppers and celery salt. The one thing you'll never see on the Chicago variety? Ketchup. To put ketchup on a Chicago Dog is akin to rooting for the Heat -- treason.

If you want to check out a Chicago Dog, Dogma Grill makes a traditional Chicago dog, complete with poppy seed bun for $3.95.

The Colombian Dog

Miami is a melting pot of flavors, but nothing is as prevalent as Latin-inspired cuisine. With that in mind, we present the Colombian Dog. This dog-on-steroids comes with a more-is-more attitude. What goes on the hot dog? Anything you want, baby, anything you want. Typically, the Colombian Dog starts its life as a normal hot dog...then all hell breaks loose. We're talking cheese sauce, potato sticks, shrimp, crab and sausage. Sausage on a sausage? That's what we just said.

Wait...it gets better. How about some fruit on your dog? You can have pineapple, peaches, plums or whipped cream (as in the Heat are gonna cream the Bulls).

Now here comes the real stick-it-to Chicago moment. The Colombian Dog comes with....(gasp)..Ketchup! Take that Chicago! If you want to try one for yourself, La Perrada de Edgar serves up a Colombian for under $5.

Our verdict? The Colombian Dog (and The Heat) will take down Chicago's wimpy little limp wieners in five games. Today and every day. Go Heat!

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss