The last night of the year is fraught with price-gouging for plastic flutes of cheap prosecco and extravagant cover charges. Take, for example, Justin Bieber's appearance at the Fontainebleau, where for $500 general admission you can spend the night with the bad boy of pop. Beliebers can get up close with a stage-side private space for $40,000 (although that holds up to 30 guests).
If you're thinking of getting out of Miami and heading to, say, Hollywood for something more relaxing and affordable this New Year's Eve, you might be interested in Margaritaville's little getaway weekend — for the low, low price of $22,500 per night (with a two-night minimum stay). That brings the amount to a jacked-up $45,000.
Considering that price, you'd think Mr. Margaritaville, Jimmy Buffett himself, would spend the weekend serenading you about boat drinks and volcanoes, but you'd be wrong. The closest you'll get to the crooner who famously blew out his flip-flop is your stay in the eponymous presidential suite or the Coral Reefer vice presidential suite.
The “It's a Thin Line Between Saturday Night and Sunday Morning” package also includes roundtrip limousine transfers between the resort and Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood International Airport; an in-suite bar stocked with beer (likely LandShark and not Funky Buddha), wine, premium liquors, and mixers; an in-suite five-course dinner for up to eight people from JWB's Prime Steak & Seafood; and a daily private poolside cabana stocked with beer, wine, and unlimited pitchers of margaritas.
The lucky buyer will also get a swimwear makeover for two and a Margaritaville Frozen Concoction Maker to take home — because your bank account will be drained and you'll never be able to afford to go out to a bar ever again.
Would-be Buffett-ballers do get some other cool perks, such as an in-room bloody mary bar complete with a private bartender to soothe your raging New Year's Day hangover.
Did we mention the yacht charter?
Yeah, you get a private yacht charter with open bar and canapes for up to 12 people to chug along the Intracoastal.
If you persuade 11 of your friends to go in on the deal, it costs only $3,750 each.
Not having to ring in the New Year with Justin Bieber, however, is priceless.
To be fair, the resort offers many cheaper ways to ring in 2017. A five-course dinner at JWB Prime Steak & Seafood runs $175 per person, with a wine pairing for an additional $50. If that's too expensive, $25 gets you into the Lone Palm Pool Deck New Year’s Eve soirée taking place from 8 p.m. to 1 a.m. The party will feature live music, a DJ, cash bars, and a countdown to midnight. A cabana can be reserved for $500 for up to six people and includes an open bar, butler service, party favors, a cheese board, and a champagne toast. You can also just hang out and drink at the pop-up champagne lobby bar.
The megaweekend must be reserved at least seven days in advance (enough time to evict Jimmy from his suite, we presume) and can be made by visiting margaritavillehollywoodbeachresort.com/holidayhappenings or calling 844-562-5625.