Food News

John Cena, Lance Armstrong, Michael Vick, Tiger Woods: Stars Replace Mascots on Cereal Boxes

Is caveman Fred Flintstone following T-Rex and Twinkies into extinction?

If you took a trip to your local supermarket cereal aisle, you might get that idea because instead of the usual beefy neanderthal on boxes of Post Fruity and Cocoa Pebbles, you might just see WWE star John Cena.

As part of a promotion with WWE, Post Foods has agreed to replace prehistory's answer to Ralph Kramden with the colorful wrestler. What gives?

Well, apparently it all started when Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson said that

Cena looked like he was "running around like a big bowl of Fruity

Pebbles" because of his wresting costume.

Naturally, Post Cereals

decided to capitalize on the fracas, printing up over three million

boxes of Cena Pebbles, with a commitment to print another five million


Though Fred got the 'ole heave-ho, junior

wrestler-in-training Bam-Bam Rubble is depicted on the boxes. We're

expecting Pebbles to turn up as a scantily-clad ring girl, complete with

saber-toothed tiger bikini any second now.

The cartoon switch-a-roo is part of an entire WWE/Pebbles marketing campaign that includes a contest to win a trip to Wrestlemania 30, and an interactive traveling road show where kids can jump into a giant bowl of Fruity Pebbles. Yes...a giant bowl of Fruity Pebbles.

Even though Athletes have been featured on Wheaties boxes since the beginning of time, we have to ask the question -- who the hell eats Wheaties? If these athletes want to make it into the hearts and minds of America, they've got to get on the sugar-cereal bandwagon, starting with these celebrity athletes who could use a little good publicity about now:

Lance Armstrong Replaces Captain Crunch
Lance Armstrong once was an American hero. The man beat cancer, won seven Tour de France titles, founded a major cancer foundation, and ran marathons. Then, after allegations of doping, Armstrong was stripped of his titles, left the organization he founded, and can't even enter a lousy footrace. Later on this month, he'll spill his guts to Oprah, but we think a little pre-show goodwill would go a long way.

Michael Vick Replaces Linus the Lion
Michael Vick was a star athlete in college, leaving early to go pro with the Atlanta Falcons, where he became a star quarterback. Vick was then found to be involved in an illegal dog fighting ring. That led to a felony conviction, nearly two years in prison, and lots and lots of hate mail from PETA. You can do a lot of things...but you can't go around hurting dogs. Vick's back in the game, but there are still some sore feelings with animal lovers. By promoting a cereal chock full of cute critters, we think Vick's got a shot at redemption. Besides, Crispy Vicks just has a certain ring to it.

Tiger Woods Replaces The Trix Rabbit
Once upon a time, Tiger Woods had such a squeaky clean image. Barely out of High School, the golfer, who was practically born with a putter in his hands, was already winning major tournaments. Woods broke almost all golf records, and attained number one status in both golf rankings and being the highest paid athlete by Forbes. Then came the girls. Lots of them. Models, restaurant managers, and coffee shop servers -- all were implicated in a gigantic sex scandal that led to endorsement cancellations, a divorce, and a stint in sex-rehab.  Woods is back...kind of. But we think replacing the Trix Rabbit would do wonders for his career...and you know what they say about rabbits...

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss