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It's National Slurpee Day: Free Slurpees and Motivational Chinchilla at 7-Eleven

When you woke up, you probably thought today was just like any other day -- until you realized that it was 7/11 and said, "oh thank heaven".

Because, friend, today is the one day out of 365 when you can get an exquisite brain freeze for the low, low, price of....nothing!

Today is National Slurpee Day, a nonsensical holiday where teeny penguins and ice trolls fly on magical atomic-powered sleighs to Miami to give us one day of blissful respite from the oppressive heat and humidity.

Don't buy that one?

How about simply this? Get thee to a 7-Eleven today between 11 a.m. and 7 p.m. and pick up your free frozen treat. Plus, the national food-on-the-go chain has upgraded their free Slurpee size from 7.11 ounces to a generous 12 ounces. Can't you just feel your neurons getting all cold and tingly? Can't you just picture your tongue turning bright blue or orange or red?

Also new for this year: Your own motivational chinchilla named Pam to go with your Slurpee. We have no freaking clue what to do with a motivational chinchilla (What do they eat? Can they be trained to use the litter box? Will they really give me a daily affirmation?) -- but we're (ahem) chill with it!

Oh, and there's a dance video, too:

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss