Food News

In Honor of the McLobster: Five Foods We'd Like to See McDonald's Screw Up

​There's furious internet chatter about McDonald's McLobster sandwich, the elusive menu item that, like the McRib, is available to only a few select lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at things) markets. The McLobster is McDonald's version of the New England lobster roll, which usually means generous portions of sweet lobster meat, mixed with mayo and celery and served on a buttered, toasted hot dog bun.

The McLobster is similar to this classic summer treat in much the same way a rabid junkyard creature is similar to a Westminster show dog - they both once shared the same DNA before things went horribly wrong for one of them.

Since McDonald's has a knack for taking classic foods that everyone loves and turning them into pop icons, we propose some foods we would love to see McDonald's try to add to their menu:

1. McFoie Gras
Foie Gras has recently been given a bad rap by PETA and other animal rights groups. True, ducks are fed until they're about ready to burst - but so are most McDonald's customers - which makes the McFoie Gras the perfect menu item for Mickey D's.

2. McCupcake
The cupcake craze has swept the nation. What other bite sized morsel has entire television shows devoted to it?  Which is why it's surprising that McDonald's hasn't jumped on the bandwagon. Instead of those apple pies, we suggest throwing a few chocolate cupcakes into that deep fryer. Box whatever comes out with a smiley face, charge three bucks and call it dessert.

3. McSushi
McDonald's has been trying to tell us for years that whatever's in that Filet-o-Fish is fish. Really and truly. I mean they even got some poor fish singing about how he wants his flesh back. What better way for McDonald's to prove they actually know what a fish is, than by serving up some sushi? You'd eat raw fish from McDonald's, wouldn't you?

4. McBrussels Sprouts
These cuties are having their day in the sun, popping up on the menu of many a talented chef. Sure kids say they don't like them - but that's before McDonald's started selling them, right? With McDonald's as a Brussels sprouts advocate, kids will be popping those little green balls like crazy. Of course, McDonald's will have fried all the nutrients out, leaving behind nothing but a green McNugget that resembles Marvin The Martian's testicles, but hey -- that's the American way.

5. McCaviar
McDonald's is a giant corporation with tons of purchasing power. While an 8-oz. tin of Beluga caviar sells for about a thousand dollars retail, McDonald's can probably buy up the world's supply of caviar for about three bucks and a Happy Meal. Just think of the sandwich -- caviar, lettuce tomato and ranch dressing served on a sesame seed bun. We'll show those commie Ruskies how red-blooded Americans eat caviar, yet.

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss