Friday Food Funnies: Watch What You Put In Your Mouth

You gotta be a special kind of hungry to put something in your mouth that you get from a stranger on the streets of Manhattan. ~Jake Johannsen, on New York hot dog stands

Being overweight is something that just sort of snacks up on you.

A preacher goes to a nursing home to meet an elderly parishioner. As he is sitting there he notices this bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another. By the time they are through talking, the bowl is empty. He says, "Ma'am, I'm sorry, but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."  "That's okay," she says. "They would have just sat there. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back."

*The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
*The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
*The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
*The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
*The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:
Don't watch what you put in your mouth. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Miami New Times' restaurant reviewer for the past decade, and the world's indisputable master of disguise.
Contact: Lee Klein