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A rather profound compendium of funnies this week:
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. ~Groucho Marx
Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, 'I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.' The waitress replies, 'I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?' ~Unknown
Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. ~Douglas Adams
A billion hours ago, human life appeared on earth. A billion minutes ago, Christianity emerged. A billion Coca-Colas ago was yesterday morning. ~ Unknown
Life is too short for self-hatred and celery sticks. ~Marilyn Wann
The next time you feel like complaining, remember that your garbage disposal probably eats better than 30 percent of the people in the world. ~Robert Orben
The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. ~Steven Wright
Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.