Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there. A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can't believe it. He says, "What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?"
The other missionary says, "I just peed in the soup."
A woman walks into this diner, sits at the counter, and orders a hamburger. The waitress behind the counter bellows, "One burger!" Ed the cook, an obese, skeevy-looking man, screams, "Bur-ger!", whereupon he grabs a huge hunk of chopped meat, stuffs it in his bare armpit, pumps his arm a few times to squeeze it flat, and then tosses it on the grill.
The woman says, "That's the most disgusting thing I've ever seen."
The waitress replies, "Oh yeah? That's nothing. You should be here in the morning when he makes the doughnuts."
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Two cannibals, a father and a son, were elected by the tribe to go out and get something to eat. They walked deep into the jungle and waited by a path. Before long, this little old man walked by. The son said "Ooh Dad, there's one!"
"No," said the father, "There's not enough meat on that one to feed the dogs. We'll just wait."
A little while later, along came this really overweight man. The son said, "Hey Dad, he's plenty big enough."
"No," said the father, "We'll all die of a heart attack from the fat on that one. We'll just wait."
About an hour later, this absolutely gorgeous woman passed by. The son said, "Now there's nothing wrong with that one, Dad. Let's eat her."
"No," said the father, "We will not eat her either."
"Why not?" asked the son.
"Because we are going to take her back alive and eat your mother."