I bought a talking refrigerator that said "Oink" every time I opened the door. It made me hungry for pork chops. ~Marie Mott
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four -- unless there are three other people. ~Orson Welles
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it. ~Jackie Gleason
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I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people. ~Ed Bluestone
I've been on a constant diet for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. ~Erma Bombeck
My wife is a light eater. As soon as it's light, she starts to eat. ~Henny Youngman
You can't lose weight by talking about it. You have to keep your mouth shut. ~Author Unknown