Florida Woman Trades Sex For Cheeseburgers: Five Dishes Better Than Sex!

Riptide reported yesterday that a 47-year old woman was arrested in a prostitution sting operation in southwest Florida.  That sounds like a typical evening for any police department. Except the woman requested a very specific trade-off for her services.

According to the police report, Christine Faith Baker's fee for sex was two McDonald's double cheeseburgers (oh, and a $40 tip would be nice, too, according to the the undercover detective).

We've all heard the saying food is love, but, let's face it. Many times, a good meal can not only be the prelude to sex -- it can be way better than sex.

So, as a public service to Christine Faith Baker (and everyone else who thinks two McDonald's burgers are worth trading themselves for), we say have a little more pride! Keep it in your pants and eat these dishes instead.

Wood Oven Roasted Double Yolk Farm Egg from Michael's Genuine Food & Drink ($8)
This simple egg, covered in cave aged gruyere and served with a piece of sourdough crostini, makes us giddy with happiness. Gooey, hot, and cheesy -- this little dish is a sensual mouthful that requires no partner.

Blue Collar's Grilled Swordfish ($18)
Why is this swordfish so damn fresh? It could be that Blue Collar chef/owner Daniel Serfer kept his fish-mongering connections from his days at Chef Allen's and 15th Street Fisheries, but (like a one-night-stand) we don't care for too much information. Only that his swordfish is perfectly cooked - and better than most second dates.

Scarpetta's  Spaghetti with Tomato and Basil ($24)
This spaghetti is so good, you'll not only want to eat it, you'll want to bathe in it, proving once and for all that the simplest dish, made beautifully, is usually the best. Eat the entire steaming bowl with a few glasses of wine and you'll slip into a food coma so perfect, sex will be the last thing on your mind.

Spiked Frrrozen Hot Chocolate at Serendipity 3 ($14)
In New York, Serendipity 3 offered frrrozen hot chocolates, but there was something lacking. We figured out it was booze. With a full liquor license, the South Beach Serendipity 3 puts more than a little booze in their drinks, making them potent, chocolatey masterpieces. Besides, isn't chocolate always better than sex?

Margherita Pecorino Sardo Pizza at Spartico ($13.95)
You know the old joke, "The difference between sex and pizza is that there's no such thing as bad pizza", right? Well, we're here to tell you that this pizza, made with fresh local mozzarella, local organic oregano, and San Marzano tomatoes is good enough to make you cry with joy. And, unlike sex, this pie is always a sure thing.

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Laine Doss is the food and spirits editor for Miami New Times. She has been featured on Cooking Channel's Eat Street and Food Network's Great Food Truck Race. She won an Alternative Weekly award for her feature about what it's like to wait tables.
Contact: Laine Doss