Once in a while comes along a story so bizarre, so fascinating, that all that needs to be done is some good, old-fashioned reporting of the facts.
According to an article in the Digital Journal, on December 18, Mary Ellen Lisee, 45, repeatedly called 911 for help. Her reason, at least the reason she stated to authorities, was she "ate too much food."
See? Just a straight up dose of good fun. But wait -- it gets better.
Lisee, who had apparently been living in Room 108 at the Travel Inn in Fort Pierce, was observed jumping up and down when police from the St. Lucie Sheriff's Office arrived on the scene.
As cops pulled up, an unidentified male was seen leaving the premises. The man stated Lisee was his girlfriend and that he was leaving because she was too noisy -- preventing him from sleeping.
According to reports, Lisee came out of the room screaming, "Are you surprised?"
What she was referring to, we don't know.
Now, Lisee, mostly kept to her story about repeatedly calling 911: "Because I ate too much food."
However, considering other statements made by the 45-year-old woman and police, it seems that a full tummy might have been the least of her problems.
Officers reported the smell of alcohol on her breath and noted in the arrest report that she appeared drunk.
I think the brave men and women of the St. Lucie Sheriff's Office need to spend a week training in Miami so they can recognize the signs of "crack crazy."
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Lisee made a statement to police that she had not used cocaine in a year. This appears to have been a random statement, not prompted by any police questions.
She signed an affidavit that, according to reports, was "mostly legible." She was asked to read it aloud and stated, "My name is Mary Ellen Lisee. I have beaten, I believe in God, and He forgives me. I may joke, but I do not do crack. I will not for as long as I live."
Please visit my website for your "I may joke, but I do not do crack" T-shirts. Only $5 each for a limited time.