Food News

Five Weird Fruitcake Recipes: Whiskey, Spam, and More

Tis the season to give, and what better gift to give than a good ol' loaf of brick-like fruitcake? We all know how much people love to receive these little gems, don't we? If you are stumped on what to give to the host of your neighbor's holiday party, why opt for a fruitcake that they'ill use as a doorstop? Look for something a little out of the ordinary. Below we have found some of the wackiest ways to make a fruitcake, the ultimate gift this season.

5. Christmas Whiskey Cake
This one's for the drunks. This recipe doesn't just call for a few splashes of booze but an entire bottle of whisky. Aunt Fanny won't know what hit her when she takes a bite out of this one.

4. Ice Box Fruit Cake
Is there are chill in the air or is it just us? As if fruitcake can't get any more chewy, this sweet treat needs to be chilled for a good week until it is ready, just enough time so it's hard enough to throw across the room.

3. Big Fruit Cake Recipe
Seriously, who needs this much fruit cake? The recipe calls for 40 eggs, 4.5 pounds of fat including butter and lard, and 3 pounds of raisins and currants. Fruit cake it always such a hit, so make it as big as possible, right?

2. Spam Fruit Cake
If the title doesn't draw you in, nothing will. For this delicious little number you will need 10 cans of SPAM, M&M's and our favorite ingredient: "8 tablespoons of powered Portland cement."

1. Chocolate-Covered Fruit Cake Balls
This one camouflages the shit, so the haters just may take a bite. Grind up that fruitcake (if you can!) and form it into individual cake balls. Once that process is finished (caution: may take hours) you can dip these delicacies into some chocolate. When your guests see them, they will think you outdid yourself with yummy truffles, until they take a bite.

KEEP MIAMI NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Carissa Chesanek
Contact: Carissa Chesanek