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| Columns |

FFF: Chinese Food, Lobsters, Jesus, and Grape Nuts

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They had a sign up: the lobsters were flown in. How cruel is that? Think about that -- let's say you're a lobster, you've never been on an airplane before -- what else can you think, but you've won the lobster sweepstakes? ~Richard Jeni

With a wok, in the privacy of your home, you can create your own mediocre Chinese food for 50 cents less than ordering take-out. ~Todd Barry

Something always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: 'Could you take my order before Jesus gets back?' ~Darrell Hammond

Whenever I have food ordered  in, I try to decide what is the worst way to come to the door, and I've decided it's tied to a chair. ~Laura Kightlinger

My favorite cold cereal is Grape Nuts -- except lots of times I forget to put milk on them the night before I want to eat them. ~Frank Prinzi

Keep Miami New Times Free... Since we started Miami New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Miami, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Miami with no paywalls.

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Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Miami.