Charlie Sheen, Red Mango Frozen Yogurt, and a Very, Very Last Thought on SBWFF

Red Mango Coming to South Beach
The all-natural frozen yogurt store is moving to the Shops at Alton Road, lined up on Fifth Street along with Subway and the upcoming Original Brooklyn Water Bagel Company and Pizza Fusion. Here's how Red Mango is described on the website: "The only 100% all-natural, nonfat, kosher, and gluten-free yogurt fortified with Ganeden BC, a natural probiotic that helps support a healthy immune system. Red Mango also has all of yogurt's natural goodness, such as calcium and protein, and is the first frozen yogurt store to have received the Live & Active Cultures seal."

In related news, the City of Coconut Grove applied for the Live & Active Cultures seal but was rejected on the grounds of not being able to document any culture at all -- live, active, or otherwise.

You Get This Deal Only If You Can Figure Out What It Is
Spartico at the Mayfair Hotel has advertised the following discount in New Times for the past few weeks: "Buy one pizza, get the second half off."

When I first read it, I thought, The second half of what? Then I realized it meant a second pizza for half-price. But the ad also states, "Limit one per person." One pizza? One deal? Yeah, I figured that one out too, but I hope Spartico's cooking is smoother than its wording.

Speaking of Pizzerias...
We reported last week that Jonathan Eismann's Pizza Volante had been shuttered, but I just noticed that Pietro Vardeu's Casale Pizzeria is closed as well. When did that happen?

My Very Last Word About the South Beach Wine & Food Festival
The SBWFF is to serious diners what New Year's Eve is to serious party folks: a time to step out of the way and allow the amateurs to have their fun.

Speaking of Serious Party Folks...
Now that Charlie Sheen is out of work, he might consider moving to South Beach and opening a restaurant (and bar, of course). What better base from which Sheen could conquer the world? SoBe has everything he needs -- clubs, drugs, hookers, a late-night scene, women who are sort of like hookers, plus a lot of Charlie Sheen types but without the dough. And Charlie surely has what it takes to be a restaurateur on South Beach: a zest for life, a love of partying, a self-absorbed disregard for the public that ultimately pays his bills, and, most important, no restaurant experience whatsoever.

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Miami New Times' restaurant reviewer for the past decade, and the world's indisputable master of disguise.
Contact: Lee Klein