So I was thrilled to receive word that Centerplate, a leading hospitality vendor for sports stadiums, convention centers and entertainment venues, "has announced several new partnerships, menu items and other 'game-changers' for the home fields of the Tampa Bay Rays, San Francisco Giants, Seattle Mariners and Florida Marlins." It went on to promise that each stadium "will unveil new upgrades and locally inspired menu items for their respective opening games beginning April 6th."
So far so good, but what are the new highlights? Well, Giants fans at San Francisco's AT&T Park will get to try a new hand-carved roasted meats stand, local spicy Italian sausages, and an array of cheesesteak options at its new Outta Here Cheesesteaks kiosk. It also boasts a new in-house specialty San Francisco deli. Safeco Field in Seattle is setting up an all-natural concessions zone with vegetarian and vegan option aplenty, plus local Puget Sound seafood. Just north of us in Tampa Bay, Rays rooters can take advantage of a new partnership between Tropicana Field and acclaimed New York City chef David Pasternack -- who will be introducing all sorts of cool new street foods, including fish taco and po' boy stands. They'll also be getting a sophisticated new high-end wine bar.
Wow! So many cool new foods. And what did Marlins fans come out with at Sun Life Stadium? "Extensive facility upgrades including a new general concessions area, kitchen equipment and refurbished carts."
Refurbished fucking carts? That's our "game-changer"?
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On behalf of Marlins fans who remain stuck with malodorous nachos and such, we at Short Order say to Centerplate: Screw you too!