Candy We Don't Want to Find Easter Morning

We're not sure exactly when Easter became the day to chomp the heads off innocent chocolate creatures of the forest, but that's what this holiday has evolved into. A recent trip to a megastore's candy aisle yielded a host of cringe-inducing products. Another Easter tradition is to hunt for treats, so let's hope we forget our contact lenses the big day.

Get it? They're not Easter bunnies -- they're Reester Bunnies! Ha, ha! Isn't that funny? That's what we call a "play on words" in marketing terms. I'm sorry... Did you say I was fired?

Do I look like Peter F**ckin' Rabbit to you, motherf**ker?

Ummm, rainbow-flavored grass. Stoner food disguised as kiddie treats.

Nothing says "yummy" more than farm animals crapping for your eating enjoyment.

Pssst. Hey, Timmy. So Mommy and Daddy are getting a divorce. Buck up and eat your Easter candy, you whiner!

The perfect bunny for little bullies. Even easier than pulling the wings off flies.

What sick, twisted PETA-loving, tree-hugging, hippy-dippy freak of a parent would give their child chocolate carrots for Easter?

This bunny is all for having a good time, but where will he be when you're all alone and afraid of the boogeyman? Probably partying on South Beach, while you're afraid of the dark. Why? Because he's hollow!

Note to Swedish Fish: Steve Martin already did the bunny ears back in the '70s.

Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


All-access pass to the top stories, events and offers around town.

  • Top Stories


All-access pass to top stories, events and offers around town.

Sign Up >

No Thanks!

Remind Me Later >