It's 3:30 a.m. and you're on your way home from a night out. Your speech is slurred and you're sweating Grey Goose. No one is laughing at your jokes or joining in on your renditions of Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance." Worse, you're starving. So where should you direct your designated driver?
In no specific order, Short Order lists the top places (links, addresses at end) for middle-of-the night food binging.
1. La Moon: No list of this kind would be complete without a mention of this Colombian hot dog joint. It's slammed with over-boozed patrons nightly. La Moon's Supermoon perro ($6), is made with chorizo and bacon, smothered in a combo of sauces, and topped with a quail egg. The dog is probably not something you would scarf down if you were sober and in broad day light. But it is delightful after one too many cocktails.
: The Pincho Man, "Ricky," has been serving Miami-Dade drunks in shady spaces for years. The food is sold out of a truck in a parking lot. And Ricky loves to describe his life story to tipsy eaters who listen halfheartedly while downing the greasy goods. Everyone eats while leaning against their cars.
And the pincho provider calls every male customer, "papa." For $5, try the off-the-chain burger. It's drizzled with a secret "pincho sauce" and topped with Cuban fries.
3. La Sandwicherie: At some point every night, La Sandwicherie's bar stools are used for propping up exhausted and inebriated South Beach socialites. Ladies scan the menu with mascara-smeared eyes. And guys reveal their pit-stained Ed Hardy tees as they point out sandwich choices. The croque monsieur ($8), is a crowd pleaser. The freshly grilled ham and Swiss sandwich can remedy a tough night.
4. Big Pink: The ideal locale for drunken cravings. It's blocks from some of Miami's most popular night spots. And the eatery has about a million menu items. You might even spot a celeb there. Short Order once drunkenly offered a Panko-breaded chicken tender to rapper Rick Ross during a 4 a.m. Big Pink visit. The strips, ($9), are massive, extra crispy and come with honey-mustard and BBQ dipping sauces.
5. Casola's Pizzeria & Sub Shop: Sober patrons have trouble completing the larger-than-life pizza slices ($10), served there. But intoxicated eaters empty the greasy plates effortlessly every weekend.
144 SW 8th St., Miami
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7360 NW 56th St., Miami
229 14th St., Miami Beach
157 Collins Ave., Miami Beach
Casola's Pizzeria & Sub Shop
2437 SW 17th Ave., Miami