Musings

Remembering Butt Hole Tattoo Girl

Remembering Butt Hole Tattoo Girl

Social Media Day South Florida 2017: Trump Is the "Ultimate Teenager"

Social Media Day South Florida 2017: Trump Is the "Ultimate Teenager"

What's Your Wildest Hurricane Story?

By New Times staff and contributors
Oct 5, 2016

It's been 11 years since a serious hurricane touched Miami. But for locals who have lived through the mega-storms, hurricane memories don't fade. As Hurricane Matthew edges closer to Florida, New Times asked its arts writers to tell us their most ridiculous, most terrifying, most authentically Miami storm stories. Share...
How to Survive Cuban Easter

By Nicole Martinez
Mar 22, 2016

Easter isn't your standard Cuban holiday. There's no pig involved (gasp). Also, the bearded dude is a good guy (double-gasp). This second point is particularly confusing if you're a child del Exilio. See, Jesus and Fidel both rock serious facial hair, and it was hard to tell the difference as a kid...
Seven Miami People Who Would Make a Better President Than Donald Trump

By Ryan Yousefi
Mar 17, 2016

It is looking more and more likely that Donald Trump and Hilary Clinton are on a collision course that will culminate when the two face-off this November to determine who will be the next President of the United States. This is real life. It's happening. A mere two days ago...
Pepe Billete, the Jills, and Others Talk Real Estate and Rising Sea Levels

By Pepe Billete
Mar 9, 2016

Last week, as I was canoeing my car through the flooded aftermath of a typical rainy South Beach afternoon a thought occurred to me. In 101 years, Miami Beach has gone from being an uninhabitable mojon con pelo to one of the most popular travel destinations in the world. The greater...
The Nine Miami Guys You Will Probably Meet This Year

By Nicole Martinez
Jan 20, 2016

It doesn't matter how long you've lived in the Magic City – whether you've been here for years or only recently arrived, you've quickly learned that you probably won't be finding your soul mate in Miami anytime soon. From guys who put booty over brains, flash their money or really just...
The Evolution of the Nerd: From Geek to Cool Kid

By Angel Melendez
Jan 13, 2016

The other night I was watching the sometimes painfully bad 1998 horror film, The Faculty. I remember really liking that movie in high school and I'm not sure why. It is basically a modern version of Invasion of the Body Snatchers, both plot-wise and if a boring, poorly written alien...
Ten Totally Miami New Year's Resolutions You Should Probably Keep

By Nicole Martinez
Dec 30, 2015

As if we needed another excuse to party and feel totally ashamed about we what spent last night, the New Year is here to make us feel extra guilty about how shitty we've actually become and how badly we wasted our year. And we're not just talking about getting too drunk...
How to Survive Cuban Christmas

By Nicole Martinez
Dec 24, 2015

You remember your first time like it was yesterday: gazing on her soft pink skin, smooth and perfectly supple. A full-bodied beauty, she had curves rounding out every square inch of her body. Just as you're about to lay your hands on this stunning creature, you're interrupted from your reverie...
Video: Otto von Schirach, Karla and Juleisy Perform 12 Days of Miami Christmas

By Adam Hendel
Dec 24, 2015

Miami needs its own holiday anthem. We collaborated with famed DJ/performer Otto von Schirach for our own Magic City version of “The 12 Days of Christmas.” Get ready to put the video on repeat and sing along: On the 12th day of Christmas, my papi gave to me: 12 cajas...
The Nine Times Oscar Isaac Made Us Swoon in December

By Carolina del Busto
Dec 24, 2015

It seems that Oscar Isaac has had a busy December. Earlier in the month, his latest short film, Ticky Tacky, was released as the short of the week on ShortoftheWeek.com. Then, he received his second Golden Globe nomination for his work as Nick Wasicsko on HBO's miniseries, Show Me a Hero...
Study Shows Miami Dolphins Fans Are Most Likely to Have Sex on the First Date

By Ryan Yousefi
Dec 14, 2015

You know how the old saying goes; If you can't beat em', have lots of sex with strangers to numb the pain. Well, that's not actually how the saying goes, but according to a study done by the dating site OkCupid, Miami Dolphins fans may be under the impression that this...
Art Basel Miami Beach 2015: Winners and Losers

By Carolina del Busto, Liz Tracy, Neil Vazquez and Kat Bein
Dec 7, 2015

Art Basel is finally over. The behemoth art fair that sweeps into our fair city every year has packed its bags and blown us a very European kiss goodbye. And in its wake, it's inevitably left both the victorious and the conquered. We here at the Miami New Times have...
Miami’s Best Psychic, Alexis Reyes, Moves and Expands Alexis' Fairytales

By Carla Torres
Nov 26, 2015

“Apparently, people really want to know the future,” says psychic life coach and medium Alexis Reyes. After being named Best Psychic in New Times' annual Best Of 2015, Reyes had close to 400 missed calls within a week. “The response has been amazing. People were showing up at my door...
How to Survive Cuban Sanksgibbing

By Nicole Martinez
Nov 25, 2015

Long lines that seem to go on forever. Food shortages at nearly every local supermarket. Screaming matches. Crying. No, we're not talking about Black Friday: this is Sanksgibbing at your mom's house, a holiday affair all your tios, primos, and distant relatives come together for despite any apparent reason other...
The Secret Celluloid Society's Up All Nite! Proved a Tiring, Worthwhile Experience

By Juan Antonio Barquin
Nov 2, 2015

In celebration of Halloween, the Secret Celluloid Society planned an evening full of movies picked with the plan to keep you up all night. Starting at 11:30 p.m. at the Coral Gables Art Cinema, The Thing was up first, followed by Night of the Demons, Eraserhead, and The Texas Chainsaw Massacre —...
Que Cute: How To Spot a Miamian During New York Fashion Week

By Nycole Sariol
Sep 12, 2014

The Miami woman is a rare commodity, a wonder to behold. And when something summons their illustriously loud presence to another far-off land, taking them out of their natural habitat, that certain je ne sais quoi shines all the brighter, especially in the heavily condensed hustle and bustle of New...
Beyoncé Turns 33 Today: Let's Celebrate With Her Sassiest Gifs

By Shelly Davidov
Sep 4, 2014

Beyoncé "Queen Bey" Carter turns 33 today and for some reason, this momentous occasion hasn't become a national holiday yet. Maintaining her status as America's favorite pop star since the Destiny's Child days, the recent relative scandals have been, dare we say, refreshing. There was that once-questionable trip to Cuba,...
Floatopia 2014: A Bizarre and Chill Day on the Waves

By Neil Vazquez
Sep 1, 2014

If, like the rest of us commoners, you couldn't afford a weekend getaway to East Hampton or Palm Springs, Floatopia was the bargain basement Labor Day extravaganza for you. I know what you're thinking. A bunch of sweaty, inebriated Miamians in neon swimsuits, strapped to child-sized inflatables purchased last minute...