Once upon a time, a cable television network called TLC stood for The Learning Channel. It promised to bring educational and scientific programming designed to elevate our lives with the light of knowledge.
Problem is, no one watched thoughtful shows about the universe and medical breakthroughs. Then TLC started adding shows about women who have multiple children via in-vitro gone awry (Kate Plus 8), little people (The Little Couple), polygamists (Sister Wives), and people who collect many, many cats (Hoarding: Buried Alive).
Naturally, the American public was shocked and outraged delighted at the schlock insightful shows. Now, there are only so many people from arcane religious sects that have 19 children to feature, so TLC added a new show, My Strange Addiction.
Sure My Strange Addiction features people who dress like babies, collect dead things, and compulsively bathe in bleach. But we watch for the people who eat strange things. With that in mind, we're counting down the ten strangest food addictions featured on the show:
10. Bianca started eating pottery but found it wasn't gritty enough, so she went on to eat cigarette ashes. And we thought bacon was the gateway food.
9. Kristyn eats chalk. Wasn't this supposed to be a punishment for bad Catholic school children in the olden days? Not only that, she's gotten her sisters to try it.
8. Josh eats glass. Which isn't really weird if you're a circus person, but it is kinda weird at the dinner table. What does glass taste like? According to Josh, it's like "eating horrendously sharp rock candy".
7. Charmissa likes the clean, fresh scent of dryer sheets so much, she started eating them. With a taste that's "kinda spicy and tangy" at the same time, they sound tempting, but we'll stick with some General Tso's Chicken.
6. Keisha likes to eat toilet paper. Best place to eat said TP? According to Keisha, it's the movie theatre. Don't think she doesn't have standards...Keisha will only eat white toilet paper...because eating colored paper would be weird.
5. Remember the old kiddie song "Comet..it makes your mouth turn green. Comet..it tastes like Listerine"?...Well, Crystal took it literally.
4. Nicole is eating herself out of house and home....literally and figuratively. She eats the drywall..from her house. And her friend's house. And her grandmother's house. At least when you invite Nicole over for dinner, you don't have to worry about cooking.
3. On a snorkeling trip in Bermuda a few years ago, we met a terrier named Lexi who liked to fetch rocks. The poor dog had a bunch of broken teeth but her owners said they couldn't make Lexi stop. We thought that was weird. Until we saw Teresa. At least Lexi had the sense to spit the rock out.
2. Adele eats couch cushions. To date she's eaten seven couches and two chairs. We honestly think we couldn't even eat one ottoman.
1. What could possibly take the number one spot? Meet Casey. Her husband died after a severe asthma attack. That's sad, we agree. After he was cremated, she started carrying around his ashes. Then she started eating his ashes. We could insert some obvious jokes, but we'll let you fill in the blanks for yourself.
Follow Short Order on Facebook and Twitter @Short_Order.
