Where In The World Is Hugo Chavez? Watching Porn Perhaps

Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is still officially recovering from surgery. Although, we think his people would have come up with a better excuse than he needed to have an abscess removed from his pelvic region. Cuz that only makes us wonder where he's been dipping his stick if you catch...

By Francisco Alvarado

June 28, 2011

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Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez is still officially recovering from surgery. Although, we think his people would have come up with a better excuse than he needed to have an abscess removed from his pelvic region. Cuz that only makes us wonder where he's been dipping his stick if you catch our drift.

But many of his constituents aren't buying the official United Socialist Party line. Neither are we.

So where oh where could our favorite International Man of Mystery be hiding out?

Our intelligence reports recently tracked him down near the Afghan border in Pakistan:

We hear he's kept busy watching old speeches of himself and downloading porn from Reality Kings website 8th Street Latinas.

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Francisco Alvarado was born in Nicaragua and grew up in Miami, giving him unique insight into the Magic City and all its dark corners. An investigative reporter with a knack for uncovering corruption, Alvarado made his bones as a staff writer at Miami New Times and remains in dogged pursuit of the next juicy story.

Contact: Francisco Alvarado

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Twitter: @thefrankness