But we've been tortured with curiosity as to why Ramon had eight roosters, four guinea hens, four pigeons, four goats, and a duck in his van in the first place.
Sorry, DeFede, but we are unplacated by confirmation that Santería was involved. We need to know: What sort of offering requires eight roosters, four guinea hens, four pigeons, four goats, and a duck? Where would such an offering go down? And does Ramon being such a dutiful santero have anything to do with the fact that his penis is reportedly the size of a Louisville Slugger?
We decided to get the answers from Ramon himself.
While Ramon was still locked up, we called the phone number to his house. A man who sounded like an uncle type picked up. He spoke only Spanish. We speak third-grade Spanish. This was the conversation:
Riptide: Por qué Ramon tenía muchos animales en su van?
Tio: Ay, sí. Muchos, muchos problemas.
[Then we both repeated the same thing two more times.]
Eventually, Ramon was put on house arrest, which is kind of a dream scenario for a reporter. Yesterday afternoon, we paid a visit to Ramon's house near North Miami Beach.
Sitting in a patio area, he grinned and waved us in when we showed up. Eventually, it dawned on us that he thought we were some sort of law enforcement official there to check on his ankle bracelet, even though -- as you'll see in the video below -- we loudly identified ourselves.
And no, we weren't dressed like a cop. Not even a porn version of a cop.
After we switched off the camera, Ramon took our business card and told us he'd come to us first when his lawyer allowed him to speak to the media.
So we might still find out exactly why a porn star was driving around in a van full of eight roosters, four guinea hens, four pigeons, four goats, and a duck.
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